


We Agree to Love Each Other Madly

by seleneweavers



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Non-Linear Narrative, Slow Burn, i think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28046760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seleneweavers/pseuds/seleneweavers
Summary: here's how the story goes. they met when they were young, they fall apartnow, 10 years later they met again...or alternatively a friends to enemies to friends to lovers with fake dating in a mix that no one asked for
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Flynn & Julie Molina, Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 63
Kudos: 169





	1. chapter one: i know that i know nothing

**Author's Note:**

> I was rummaging my book shelf and found an old novel in my native languange. if we're translating it into English the title of the book literally called "dream box" so this thing is born
> 
> the main character is also a musician. but the similarities only ends there. the plot, and how the story goes is all my idea. but i did take the idea of how the dream box function from the book and mixing it with julie and the phantom canon universe
> 
> I have outline most of the story. and I feel like like I'm so uncreative oh god. 
> 
> for anyone who reads my other story 'for as long as you live, you'll have me' i will upload finish that i promise! this one probably will take longer to update

**Then**

She tries not to curse, going through the school hallway in a hurry. She overslept today, her parent thought that she already go to school-which okay fair.

The aftermath of it was she missed the roll call. She arrived just as the school bell rang signal the end of homeroom. She hoped that it’s not the strict Mrs.Carrows that doing the roll call. Or she’ll be screwed.

“I thought I’m the one who will be slacking today.”

She closed her locker, seeing one and only Luke Patterson leaning on the locker next to her, smiling brightly at her. It never fail to make her heart skip, seeing that smile.

She scoffs, adjusting the strap of her backpack. “I overslept.”

“I figured as much.”

“Please tell me first period was not Mrs. Carrows.”

Luke grimace is answer enough. She groans, “This day is going to be great.”

“Hey, Jules. Relax.” Stopping at the middle of the hallway, Luke grips her shoulder. She would be mortified with the fact that they stop in the middle of the hallway like this. But Luke piercing stare is enough to make the world fade away. Just a little while. “It’s not the end of the world.”

“I know. “

“I’ve done worse.” 

She can feel her lips tugging upward, “I know.”

Luke smile widens, “So relax. Okay. You’ve got me.”

She can’t help but smile back at him. Not when Luke looking at her _like that_. Green eyes glimmering. “I’ve got you.”

**Now**

It’s not like she didn’t expect the price of fame. She knows. She read tons of celebrity stories about the weight of it all, the privacy that seems to be breached, all the fame and glory seem to not be enough for all the toll that will affect you.

But it’s been her dreams for years. To let her voice be heard, her lyrics to be sung. It’s her dream, the music. Just her and her piano. She thought it will be enough.

(It’s not) '

She was sitting in the pristine office of her manager, chandelier hanging on the ceiling, crystal on the corner. Maggie-her manager is telling her about the probability of her getting associated with someone so they can boost her image, to get the sales of her new album to skyrocket.

(There are image to maintain, Schedule to follow through)

“Julie, what do you think?”

She try not squirm under the gaze of the people in front of her. Her PR-team. Staring at her expectantly, waiting for her answer. She shouldn’t be scared, She’s their employer for god’s sake. “I think it would be great.”

Nothing she says matter anymore isn’t it?

**Then**

“Julie.”

She pauses, before she continues to write on her note. She don’t have time for this.

“Jules.”

She bent down, hoping her hair will be enough to slow his advances. But no such luck, it only make the boy in front of her braver.

“ _Julieee_ ,” Luke whined, tugging at her curls. She huffs, looking up seeing Luke pouting at her.

“What?” She retorts, trying to hold back her smile because she’s trying to study but hell Luke look adorable. Hair askew, arms crossed in front of his chest, pouting at her like she just done something horrible.

“I’m bored.” She shook her head, choosing to continue writing on her note. He promised he’ll behave. So she allows it, letting him sit next to her while she studies for her history test. It’s been fifteen minutes. And then this happens.

She knows she shouldn’t trust his words right away.

“Julie.”

She groans, waving her pen at him menacingly, “Go away. I’m trying to study.”

“But I’m bored.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Okay?”

“Let’s watch some movies or something,” Luke says, legs bouncing. “I heard that Mama Rose makes some cookies today. You know I love your mom cookies.”

“You can do that all by yourself Luke.”

“But I want to do it with you tough.”

In all the years she’s known Luke, he never seem to have any filter on. It brings him more trouble than it’s worth. There are times she curses Luke’s honesty. Most of the times, she adores it. This is one of those times. She can feel her face started to get warmth, thankful that her complexion makes it harder for the blush to be noticeable. She bites her lips, eyes still glued to her notes.

But Luke knows her all too well, because a grin start to form on his face, and the he already tugging at her hands excitedly. They both know he’s already winning.

“Fine.” She sighs, exasperated.

“You’re annoying you know that.”

Luke laughs, “Oh come on Jules.”

**Now**

Today was a great day. She finally find the words for the lyrics that’s hard for her to go through, a new melody start to form in her head and Flynn agree to fly in to LA to meet her for a weekends.

She was already in her pajamas, preparing to go to sleep when she gets the name.

_You know Luke Patterson right? He’s the lead guitarist and the main singer from that rock band Sunset Curve. His team seem to agree. We’re only need your permission before we can make the contract tough_

She drops her phone.

**Then**

This is how it starts. It’s the first day of kindergarten, and she was wearing the bright dazzled pink jacket that she want for weeks and finally get after a lot of pleading and begging to her parents. She was excited, to meet new friends. To meet new people.

The first person that greeted her was Luke. Squirming under his mother grips, while he try to tame his shaggy hair, Luke bolted away immediately, didn’t pay attention to his surroundings and barells on to her, knocked her straight into the pavement.

She was livid. Her jacket is dirty and her curls that been plaited gently by her mother is ruin now. So with all her strength, she knock Luke back to the pavement. It takes them years to be friends after that but she always remember that morning. The morning Luke Patterson stumble into her life.

**Now**

She hopes Flynn already wake up. She wishes Flynn already wake up. It’s still morning in London, and she knows how much Flynn hates the morning.

Flynn pick up the phone after the third ring, “Hey disappointment.”

She snorts, “What are we? We’re not in high school anymore Flynn.”

Flynn laughs, and it instantly make her feel at ease. God she misses her. “Well. I feel like you deserved it calling me at this hours Jules.”

She try not to feel guilty. _This is important_ , ”I’m sorry. It’s an emergency.”

Flynn instantly on alert,”Okay. Okay. What happened?”

She bite her lips, hesitant. ”You know he who must not be named right?”

“Voldemort?”

She groans, “Flynn!”

“What? The jokes _right there!_ ”

Griping at her phone, she lays down on her bed. Staring at the ceiling that’s been adorned with some star constellations. It always make her calm, before. Now it only serve as one of the many reminder, _of him_.

“Shit, you’re not laughing. This is serious then.”

She close her eyes, “Yes it is.”

And then she starts telling Flynn about how her manager approach her about the plan to boost the album sales, about how she should maintain her image, of how the public loves celebrity couple. That she just got the news, that it will be _him_ of all people.

“What should I do?”

Flynn sighs, “Only you can decide what’s best Jules.”

**Then**

“You can put all your thoughts, dream and aspiration and keep them here.”

Luke wrinkles his nose, “Like diary?”

She step on Luke’s feet underneath the table while he yelps. Can he keep his thoughts for once? Her mother is giving him a gift, an important one at that and he’s being ungrateful.

Instead of being offended, her mother smiles. “Perhaps. But I would like to think that it’s not limited to that. You can keep something so precious to you, not just your thoughts and dream. Like a photograph or a ticket stub and going through it every once in a while.”

“Why would you keep a ticket stub?” Luke asked, brows furrowed.

She purses her lips. “Luke!”

Her mother laughs, “Well. If you love someone so dearly mijo, everything that remind you of them become precious. A memento. You want to keep it save and close.”

Luke looks contemplative, before he nodded. “Okay. Thank you Mama Rose.”

She breathed a sigh of relieve. Her mother seem to soften. “You’re welcome, Mijo.”

**Now**

She will be lying if she never search for his name. He’s everywhere, his voice seem to haunt her on every corner. It was hard, the first time.

(She remembers the bottle of wine that she drinks on one sitting, how she can’t finish it. How she throws up afterwards, her head feels like it might explode)

But she’s getting better at it. At holding her urges to search for his name, to pull away when she start hearing his songs playing on the radio (eventough fuck, sometimes she longs for him so much she plays it just so she can hear his voice)

It’s pathetic. It’s not good. It’s been ten years for fuck sake. She moved on. (She still miss him every once in a while. She miss her best friend)

A congratulations are in order too. It seems like he achieve one of his dream box wishes.

(She achieve hers too. She wonders if he still remember it. If he still uses one)

She opens her phone, and dial Maggie’s number. “Yes. I’ll do it.”


	2. chapter two: i no longer think you hang the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy this chapter even though it was frustrating to write it

**Then**

_Are you awake_

**_ No why?  _ **

_Hahaha funny, Jules. Come out._

She started to groan seeing the last sentence. She's already prepared for bed, in her matching pajamas, face devoid off make up.

But she knows Luke is outside, already have many ideas up his sleeves. (Or sleevesless? that seem to work better)

She will deny his ideas with the most ridiculous reason she can conjure at the top of her head, and he will try his best to persuade her when they both knows she will say yes anyway.

Opening her window, already preparing her reasoning this time, she pauses.

Even from this distance, she already know this is not the usual enigma that is Luke Patterson.

She bites her lips, pondering about how to continue this. "Hey Luke."

"Jules." All the tension seem to seep out of his body when he see her. It makes her heart start to beat erratically beneath her ribcage. "Can I come up?"

She nods, "Sure."

They've done this before. Luke will come up to her room by climbing the pipes near her bedroom. Sitting close on her bedroom floor while they talk about everything and nothing all at once.

Those little moments is what she treasure the most. She expects him to come to her window and lay down on her carpet like always, but he seem to be content sitting on the roof, breathing it in.

She let him, leaning on the window ledge, tracing his feature under the moonlight.

He looks up, giving her a lazy grin. "Come here."

Her eyes widen when she realizes what he's asking, "No."

Luke shrugs, "I never fall before."

"Because you usually only there for a minute!"

"I like the view." Giving her his puppy dog eyes, he continues, "And i want to share it with my favorite person."

(He really needs to stop saying things like that because it really is not good for her heart)

She glares at him, still not convinced. But Luke only staring at her expectantly.

She huffs, giving in. Climbing towards the window ledge carefully, she try her best to balancing her weight. "This is a bad idea."

"I'll hold you, Julie."

True to his words, when she finally sit down next to him, his arms already latched onto her waist pulling her close.

She hopes the light is dim enough to hide her burning cheeks. But Luke seem to not notice, too busy looking up.

"You can barely see the stars, Luke."

Luke nods, but his eyes still glued to the sky. "I want to try though."

She let the sentence hang in the air while she follows his lead, trying to trace the map of the stars too.

She can see the way Luke shoulder slump down, disappointed at not being able to see the stars.

(She knows something is bothering him.

But she won't ask)

"Do you know the tale of the old man under the moon?"

She didn't realize she said out loud until Luke turn at her, curious.

"What?"

She cringe internally. This is a bad idea. She doesn't meant to say it out loud. But she already says it, so might as well.

"In Chinese mythology, the old man under the moon is a matchmaker. He spend his time observing the humans, trying to find the right match for each of them." It's hard to ignore the weight of Luke gaze, the way he seem to be enraptured by her story. She barells on, "And once he find one that is the perfect fit for the other, he use this red thread, to bound them for eternity."

Luke tilted his head, "Why red?"

"It's symbolises good fortune. And people that been blessed by this deity is one of the few lucky ones."

Luke smiles is dangerous under the moonlight like this, "It's a beautiful story."

She nodded, feeling brave. "They used to say the old man under the moon tied the red thread on the ankle but now.." Taking his hand on hers, she link their pinkie together, "The red thread is tied on the pinkie. The red thread can be stretched and tangled but can never break."

**Now**

It's not what she expected, seeing him in person like this. Not much changed since the last time she saw him years ago.

But to be fair, she already know how he looks like now since his rise into fame with his band five years ago. She have time to learn this new Luke.

Her curls was tuck neatly into an elegant updo, with few strands of hair fall neatly to frame her face. Wearing a sensible red jumpsuit that compliment her tanned skin, she knows she looks put together.

Calm and poised. She will look the part even though she's a bundle of nerves right now.

Their respective publicist is talking about the technicalities, the logistic and the prospect of their new found arrangements while they sit on the side. Silence.

Luke clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck self consciously.

(She try to dismiss the thought that his telltale of being nervous is still the same after all this time)

"How are you?"

She pauses, her smile is a sharp little thing. "Good."

He looks away.

**Then**

"It's not the right measurement Patterson!"

"No, trust me it's the right..." She yelps when he start to pinch her side. "Julie!"

It takes a lot not to just strangle Luke right here and there. He's being annoying.

"Luke it says right here that it's only need two cups, not three!"

Luke shrugs, unbothered, "Well bigger is better and all that right?"

She groans, "We have to follow the instruction Luke."

Luke shook his head, biting his lips in concentration, "Trust me Jules. This cake will be the most amazing thing you'll ever tasted."

Letting her hand fall, she let himself think that she admits defeat before taking the mixer from his hand.

"JULIE!"

She runs as fast as she can, letting Luke run after her while she laughs loudly.

It doesn't take long before he catch her. His touch burned on her waist, it ignite a sparks at the bottom her stomach. His warmth enveloped her so completely she let it when he tighten his hold.

"I got you Jules!"

She try not to shiver, hearing how close his lips is to her ear. She pinch his arms, automatically make him let go of her while she run again.

And for a while they chase after each other, cake forgotten.

**Now**

The plan is for Luke to follow her first on social media, gathering a small buzz before she follows him back. Then leaving some vague but borderline flirtatious comment on each other post.

(It makes her sick. That they've been reduced to this. They didn't even get to have a proper conversation before all of this madness started. But a job is a job after all. She agreed to this. She gotta pull through)

The next step is what she dreaded the most. Going to one of Sunset Curve last concert to be noticed.

Even without the paparazzi they've hired for this occasion, she knows she gathered enough attention already.

Apparently someone already found the information that they went to Los Feliz together. It shouldn't surprised her really, all the information about her is already out in the open, ready to be consumed.

She can already picture the headlines tomorrow. The press gonna go crazy.

Plastering a smile to the few people that notice her while trying to ignore some of the camera that been pointed at her, she let herself be.

She loathe to admit, that she enjoys seeing Luke in his elements. He clearly revels being on the spotlight, soaking all the attention.

His energy is contagious, she can feel herself get sweep up too. As the band started to wrap up, while Luke start talking to his mic she let herself singing along to his song.

Just this time.

**Then**

Luke looks at her nervously while she nods encouragingly at him.

He started to strum his guitar and sing.

She has heard him sing many times before this, has been by his side while he learns how to play guitar.

But this is the first time she will hear something that he crafted.

It's his lyrics, his melody, his thoughts. It's a part of Luke and she wants to know it as well.

It's not perfect, it clearly need some time to be more polished, but it's Luke's.

So when he looks up at her after he finish playing it, she tackles him into a hug.

Smiling at him she hold him tight, saying that it's perfect.

**Now**

She try to hide her clammy hands, already feeling self conscious on her yellow sun dress, her hair has been put into a tight braid that falls down her shoulder.

She knows it's probably not the right outfit for a rock concert, but she's gonna go have a date with Luke afterwards. She want to feel like herself.

She didn't expect she have to interact with the whole band this early. She figured she have more time before this.

Opening the door that been pointed by the crew, she try not to fidget. She's a grown woman that been through a lot. This is a piece of cake.

Plastering her best smile, she waves her hand, "Hi I'm...."

"The famous Julie Molina!" She let out a squeak when she can feel someone pulling her into a hug. "I feel like I know you already!"

The drummer that she knows as Alex Mercer seem to sense her discomfort, start to drag the other man that she realizes as the bassist, Reginald Peters off her. She can see the stormy expression that mared Luke face. Huh. "Sorry. He's usually not like this."

She try to hide her grimace, hate being caught off guard like that. "It's okay."

"Oh, sorry Jules. I can call you Jules right?" Reggie ask enthusiastically. 

"Reggie," Luke interject. A warning in his tone.

It's hard to be mad at someone who look like the personification of sunshine and all things good, like Reggie.

(Beside getting into Luke skin is an appealing prospect too)

She muster up a smile, "Yeah it's okay. Reginald right?"

"Reggie," He answer brightly. "You are even prettier in person. Wow."

She heard the same compliment over and over again over the years. It doesn't even faze her anymore. But she can hear the sincerity on Reggie's tone. "Thank you."

"I'm Alex," The drummer greeted, offering his hands. She take it graciously. "I'm sorry, once again."

Seeing the exasperated expression on Alex face, she knows that this is not the first time. She try to hold back her smile.

"Yeah it's okay. I was just caught off guard that's all."

"I can't believe I finally get to meet you," Reggie continues again, beaming at her.

She tilted her head, confused. "Finally?"

"He's a huge fan," Alex pipes in gripping Reggie shoulder tightly. "We all are. Your music is amazing, Julie."

She can tell it's not entirely the truth but she's gonna let it slide. "Oh sure. You guys are also amazing! That concert was incredible! I really like how you start the drum tempo in the opening!"

Alex seem to pleased by her compliment, "Really?"

She nods, "Yeah. It was really cool."

Ignoring Luke, she lets herself being rope in to the conversation with Alex and Reggie, biding her time before the date from hell will begin.

**Then**

"We should form a band."

She turn around, seeing Luke already staring back at her.

They were laying on her bedroom floor, staring at the constellation that she draws on the ceiling with Luke's help.

Not forgetting to add a huge moon because Luke insist that after her story, the moon deserves a place too.

"I feel like that would be a terrible idea." She retorts, eyes glued back to the ceiling.

"Oh c'mon Jules." Luke is getting closer, already tugging at her hand gently. "We could be amazing at it."

She hums, "Perhaps. But if we have a falling out it will be a disaster."

Luke huffs, "It won't happen."

She turns her eyes back to him, "Why?"

"Because I want you in my life Jules." Clasping their pinkie together, he declares. "For eternity."

**Now**

It's cold. She really should've bring her jacket before this.

Luke falls in step beside her, already changing from his sweaty clothes. Wearing a striped t-shirts that been completed with a jeans jacket that hug his form nicely, completed with matching denim pants and a black vans. Even casually like this, he looks good.

She looks away.

He clears his throat, "Ready to go?"

She nods, her nerves is all over the place.

The car was not that far, but wearing a thin summer dress in this weather is a terrible idea. She can already feeling goosebumps all over her skin.

It's the smell of his perfume that seem to hit her first, before she can feel the weight of his jacket that been draped on her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Instantly on alert, she give him an unimpressed look.

Luke looks surprised before he scowl at her. "Now I can't be nice?"

She scoffs, trying to remind herself it's not the same wide eyed Luke that she knows from ten years ago. This person, is a stranger. "No."

She slaps his hand when he try to take the jacket away. She hopes it looks playfull in the camera instead of hostile. Just two high school friends that's seem to sparks new flame together. Yeah right.

"What?" He snaps back, irritated. She let a wide smile graze her lips, like he's just saying something that pleasing her.

"Don't. It will look good on camera." His scowl deepens. She hopes that the paparazi have enough stock photo of Luke putting the jacket over her because they clearly are not selling this whole thing.

This is gonna be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think because even though I already have a detailed outline, knowing me I bound to make mistakes anyway
> 
> i'm a chinese lit student, and no mandarin is not my native language either so you can see me tucking one of the things that I learn from a semester


	3. chapter three: you never really left me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should write for as long as you live, but that chapter is hard to write so i'm gonna update this instead
> 
> anyway, this is more or less a filler chapter while I set things up for the future chapter. I hope you like it

**Then**

"Do you want to order now?" Hair in a bun, note in hand the waitress look at them both, unimpressed.

"No!"

"Yes!"

Luke only rolls his eyes, "Jules we've been here thousand of times. We already know what we're gonna order anyway."

She bites her lips, contemplating. "But I want to try something else."

The waitress sigh,

"I can come back later if you want."

She smiles gratefully at her, "Yes please."

Luke groans, putting his head on the table. "We don't have all night, Julie."

She ignores him, eyes glued to the menu. Luke easily get bored, so he stands up doing god knows what she doesn't know.

But then the opening tune of Wonderwall by Oasis start to play from the old jukebox in the corner.

(They've tried to use it for years but they never been able too)

She freeze, seeing the outstretched hand that been offered to her. Looking up seeing Luke staring back at her, grinning widely.

"Can I have this dance, Julianna?"

Luke accent is horrible, and he's wiggling his eyebrows too much for her to even took it seriously.

(But he must remember the random confessions on their movie night, about wanting some knight in a shining armor sweep her off her feet while they dance)

(He's probably playing around. Indulging his best friends that he knew for years. But she can feel the flush that make it's way to her cheeks, the way her heart flutters beneath her ribcage)

She sighs, resigned just for show. "If we must."

Luke give her a knowing look but doesn't call out on her bluff. Twirling her around to the beat of melody, pulling her close while they sway lightly to it.

(If she's brave enough to do so, she will tell him that she adore the feelings of his hand on hers, the calluses that will leave print on her skin that she can easily revisit with closed eyes.

That being with him like this, it's easy to forget the world. Just a little while)

"Excuse me, are you guys ready to order or not?"

Pushing Luke away like she's been burned, she nodded. "Uhm... Yeah. Two cheeseburger please. And one chocolate milkshake, one strawberry. Also one curly fries on the side."

The waitress nod, before she's gone quickly as she came.

When they finally sit on the booth, side to side with his shoulder pressed on hers, their knees touching, Luke give her a smug look. "See? I know you will order the same thing. "

"Shut up."

Luke laughed.

**Now**

Their respective publicist has arranged them to eat on this exclusive restaurant downtown that usually need a month reservation to get a seat.

(She prefers their old dingy diner in the pier back in Los Angeles.

It's not the best thing she ever tasted, but it feels comforting. Familiar)

When they arrived, she can already feel the pinprick of camera blazing at her. It never stop being dreadful, feeling like she's under a microscope, knowing that tomorrow there will be new photos of her that she will despise, her imperfections being on full display.

She looks down, waiting for Luke to come out of the car.

Seem to sense her discomfort Luke hold her hand, dragging her amidst all the papparazi that asking them questions, Luke's jacket offering a new kind of comfort that she's grateful for.

Once they finally at the entrance of the restaurant, she can feel Luke emerald eyes seeking her, "You're okay?"

She straightens, letting go of Luke hands that still holding her. Immediatly, she miss the warmth that it offers. "Let's get this over with."

She doesn't miss the hurt in Luke eyes as she walks away. She doesn't let it slow her down, just keep walking forward like she does ten years ago, doesn't ask for forgiveness. (She doesn't think about the fact that she still waiting for him to apologize. To say he's sorry for the things he said ten years ago.

That he have many times before this, to go to her and _just ask_ )

When they finally seated, uncomfortable silence that hangs in the air, she gulps down the wine that been served, already asking for another.

Luke frowned at her, "You don't like alcohol."

(She still don't. Only the occasional wine when she feels like it. Or when she's stressed. Like now.

But Luke didn't need to know that)

"You don't know me," She answer coldly. "So don't pretend that you do."

**Then**

"Rise and Shine, Julie!"

"No! Leave me alone!" Tighten her hold on her blanket, she closed her eyes. But ofocurse it doesn't last long. 

Without prompting, Luke has picked her up easily, her blanket still surround her completely. 

"Patterson!" She shrieked, surprised. "Put me down!"

(She knows he's strong, based on the sleeveless shirt that he's been wearing. It has given her plenty of time to check his muscle and his broad shoulders. 

But it never stop being exciting, being picked up like this) 

"You owe me movie night, Jules," Luke answer, smiling down at her. She try not to fidget under his gaze. "And i finally agreed for a round of Disney movies tonight."

She scoffs, "Stop acting tough when we both know you're actually a softie, Patterson."

Luke hums thoughtfully, before putting her down on the sofa. "Well, nobody need to know that but us, right Jules?"

She laughed, "Right."

Trying to stand up so she can take the bowl of popcorn that she saw being put in kitchen counter, Luke immediately hold her down. 

(Up close like this, she can see the frekcles that scattered around his cheekbone, forming like a constellation of stars that she want to trace with her fingers) 

"Sit, Jules!"

She gulps, trying to focused. "Right. Yeah."

Luke smiles softly at her before walking away, bouncing while she sat down back in the sofa, heart racing. 

Not long after Luke came back, balancing a pint of chocolate ice cream in one hand and the bowl of popcorn in the other. 

Sitting down next to her, he offers the ice cream. She takes it gingerly, heart still racing. 

Laying her head on his shoulder to avoid looking at him any longer, she eats the ice creamcream slowly, savoring it. 

"Hmm what should we watch first?"

  
**Now**

Dinner went well. Or as well as it can be. It filled with silence instead of the barbed conversation that she expects. 

It's all she can ask for, really. 

The food probably taste divine, but every bite feels like sandpaper on her mouth. Too busy trying not to let her guard down in front of Luke. 

He sat petulantly in front of her, like he'd rather be anywhere than here. 

Well, the feelings mutual anyway. 

When they're done, they walk to the parking lot to his car while they wait for her driver. 

Trying to salvage the night she pretends to whisper something at him. 

"Laugh like I said something funny, Patterson."

Thankfully, Luke listen because he started to chuckle lowly like she's amused him. 

(She can feel goosebump dancing down her spine. And it's not because of the cold, no) 

Before she can pull away, Luke already grip her arm. Loosely enough, that she know she can pull away anytime. 

She pauses, letting it. Curious to know what happens next. 

Luke leans down, his lips close to her ear, "It's nice to meet you again, Jules."

She laughs loudly like he just say something funny. 

(It sound fake, even to her own ears. But she's gonna try if this is the last thing she's gonna do) 

(Because how dare he say something so sincere like that when all she wants is to justify all these ugly emotions toward him that she kept for years) 

Thankfully, her driver arrived not long after that. 

Luke hug her like they've been instructed, his warmth enveloping her completely just like old times. 

(She hates that his hugs still feel the same. It still feel like comfort. 

Safe) 

She doesn't let her smile fall, still let it graze her lips while she says goodbye. 

And when her car door finally closed, when all the pretense finally drops, she let the tears fall down, let all the anger and the regret consume her, once again. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that last scene is less angsty in my outline, but I like this one better
> 
> comments, feedback are greatly appreciated!


	4. chapter four: I don't know why we break so hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from let it all go by birdy. the next couple of days won't be like this folks, I realized my sudden productivity is me trying to distract myself from all of my final test. thank god I can get through some of it easily. 
> 
> now that today is the final day of my final test and I feel like that one class went terribly here another chapter uploaded early. 
> 
> anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter

**Then**

Half listening she nodded, while her eyes glued to the cafeteria door waiting for Luke familiar shaggy hair to pop out. 

"Julie."

"Hmmm?"

"Julie!"

The admonishment make her froze before she smile sheepishly at the girl in front of her, "Sorry, Nadine."

The blue eyed girl in front of her sighs, resigned. "I think we should go to the library as planned if you're not concentrating at all."

She winces, instantly feeling guilty. "Sorry! No, explain it to me again?"

Thankfully, Nadine nodded before starting her explanation that go way over her head. She usually excels at English, but Luke has filled her head since last night after his cryptic text about his mother. 

She's worried. She knows how ugly their fight can be. 

She's trying her best really, offering some insight that doesn't sound helpfull at all but seem to appease Nadine when she feels the familiar warmth that enveloped her completely. Luke. 

Squealing, she stands up, turning around seeing Luke familiar grin. 

Without a word, she hugs him tightly, while he lift her easily. 

Luke chuckled quietly, "Somebody miss me."

"Shut up," she replied burrying herself into the familiar scent of Luke aftershave. 

Luke hand soothingly make circle down her back, calming her instantly. "I'm okay."

"You're not replying my text you asshole! I was thinking that something bad happened to you! Or worse."

Leaning back, she let Luke tuck one of her wild curls back. 

Smiling softly at her he answer, "You'll be the first to know if anything happened Jules."

She gives him a tight smile, still feeling worried because Luke like to pretend that the fights didn't bother him when she knows he will blame himself for it. 

She still don't want to let him go, her hand still holding tightly to his shoulder blades. 

Someone clear her throats.

"Nadine! Oh I'm so sorry!" She exclaims, because fuck she ignore the girl twice today. This is bad. 

"It's okay. Now I understand why you seem to be distracted all day," Nadine answer drily. She can feel herself redden, knowing that Luke heard all of it. 

"I'll see you after school Jules," Luke pipes in, already offering his heart stopping smile to Nadine who seem to be unimpressed. 

She nodded, willing her face to cool down. Turning around to the girl beside her, she states, "So. Where were we?"

"We were discussing about our English project but we get interrupted by your boyfriend."

She coughs, not expecting that. "What? Boyfriend. Pffft. Luke is not my boyfriend."

"But you want him to."

She giggles to hide her discomfort. "No, I'm not."

"He totally want to be yours too."

"You think so?" She whispered, can't help the vulnerability that creep to her tone. 

Nadine seem to soften, "I know so."

"You get all of that from watching us for what? Five minutes?"

Nadine shrugs, unbothered. "I guess you guys were that obvious."

**Now**

The photo's make the headline. Combine with their shared histories, it makes the photos much more incriminating. 

Already, there are some ridiculous headlines that she knows if this any other time, she will calls Flynn, opens a bottle of wine and make a game out of it. 

But all she feels is exhaustion. 

She scrolls through the photo mindlessly, grateful that the photo's are mostly harmless. 

There's Luke draping his jeans jacket on her small form, his expression unreadable while she looks surprised. 

There's her, looking up at him with wide smiles, her fingers holding tightly to the seam of his jeans jacket. 

Luke holding her hand while he deny the paparazzi advances, face tight with anger while she looks down, his jacket hugging her form. She admits it looks good, even though at that times it feels like hell. 

Some photos of her on her tiptoes, whispering to Luke ear while he laughs charmingly. Photos of Luke whispering to her back while she smiles. It looks natural, like two people who seem to have a good time, too busy to notice the world.

(They were like that, once. It makes her heart ache, because all that seem to lost in just one night) 

The last photo makes her pause. It's her, nervously waiting for her driver and looking at her phone while Luke stare at her, a soft smile grazes his lips. 

She needs a drink. 

**Then**

Growing up, her and Luke used to share each other dream box, hushed whisper about the the stupidest thing, bouncing with each other energy while they talk. 

It's getting harder though, to shared her dream box content when all she want to filled it Luke's emerald eyes, those smiles that makes her knee go weak, his voice and his arms and his laughter.... 

It's not fair honestly. Luke already so damn attractive, his personality itself already will draw a lot of people in, and then he hit his growth spurt and he seem to turn even more good looking than before? 

And then the dude start to learn to play guitar and seem to have such enticing voice? 

She knows she already screwed when all it took from Luke is to smile at her like that, and then off she goes following him and all his shenanigans that he have up his sleeves (less). 

So when Luke decided to rummaging through her dream box, all she saw was red. 

"PATTERSON!"

Luke looks up, looking guilty but still can't seem to stop. "Julie."

She stomped her foot, trying to make herself clear. "Boundaries Luke! You know that!"

Luke pouts, before closing the silver box that sat neatly near her vanity table. 

She breathed a sigh of relief before she realized Luke has definitely snoop one of the papers from her dream box. 

"Luke!" 

The boy smiles sheepishly at her, eyes already glued to the paper. Fuck, she is so screwed if it one of the letters that she wrote about Luke eyes or something is in his hand right now. 

Walking faster towards Luke, she tries to take the paper away, but she's not fast enough. 

_"What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?_  
_And all we have we lose?_  
_I don't want you to go but I want you so_  
_So tell me what we choose?"_

She's still fumming, because fuck some of the lyrics before it seem to be clear regarding who's it's about. 

Luke beams at her, "This is amazing Jules. Where's the rest?"

She can feel herself feeling calmer because thank god that Luke didn't find the rest. 

Without a word, she snatched the paper and glare at the boy, "Boundaries!"

Realizing that she's actually mad at him, Luke actually look remorseful, "I'm sorry Jules."

**Now**

She decided to lay low, to stop checking her phones every once in a while and actually savoring the day off that is few and far in between. 

Maggie encourage her to be active in social media, to upload vague post that indicates she have someone in mind without being explicit about who it's about. 

Honestly, all she wants is to enjoy her fancy bottle of wine while she watch dumb reality show and mock all the bad decision they makes. 

Maybe she's projecting a little bit. 

She's already deep on one of the episode of the bachelor when one of the text caught her eyes. 

(No, it's not the text from her dad inquiring about Luke. Nope. That's a can of worm that she's not ready to open yet. 

It's from Luke himself) 

_Have you seen the photos?_

She's already a little tipsy from the wine, so it doesn't take long for her to answer. 

(If her head a little clearer, she probably will ignore it in favor of indulging herself with these fine piece of art that is reality tv show) 

She types quickly, _yes_. 

She can see him typing and erasing his sentences before he settles, _"are you still mad at me?"_

Mad means that she still have any semblance of emotions toward him when she's not. She knows she's not. 

Taking a huge gulp of her wine, she types. _"No."_

She can picture Luke, a crease between his eyebrows while he looks at her text, lips biting in concentration. 

(She hates that she can still picture him, crystal clear) 

_Do you still hate me?_

It makes her pause. Seeing it. Angry? Yes. Despise him? Yes. Hate? She doesn't think that she's capable of hating Luke Patterson. 

_I don't_. 

**Then**

"You know I can help mija."

She shook her head, trying to focus and not over mix the cake batter. It's her second attempt today and she's not gonna give up. 

"It has to come from me mom, or else it's not genuine," She grumbles, feeling the way her hair already come out of her tight ponytail. She huffs, trying to keep her hair out of her face. 

"I think Luke won't care as long as you give him something," Her mom replied, amused. 

She stops mixing, before she shook her head, adamant. "I want to try."

Her mom laughed before standing up, putting the stray hair away. Smiling at her gently, "If you insist."

The cake end up doesn't look as good as what she imagines, but she thinks it's worth it seeing Luke face light up when he see her coming to him with the chocolate cake, it is worth all the frustration and the anger she feels when she's making it. 

"I think this is better than our cake, Jules."

She laughed, "Of course it is better. I actually followed the recipe? You should look it up sometimes."

Luke pouts at her, "I don't know why I'm still friends with you."

"The feelings mutual," She shoot back. 

Luke just tug at her hair lightly, "You love me."

"Says who?"

He answer easily, before beaming at her. "Because I love you, you dork."

**Now**

Wearing a knee length indigo off shoulder dress, exposing the smooth line of her tanned skin, the color seem to complement her skin quite well. 

Her hair was cascading down her back in gentle waves, completed with a ten inch stilettos that she knows for sure will give her blisters at the end of the night. 

She looks around, the smell of alcohol hit her immediately seeing some people already going to the dance floor dancing mindlessly to the random music that been played when the party is not even started yet. 

Under the dim light of the club, she can see all the decorations that strewn around the corner, already having it's own theme of all kind shades of blue imaginable. 

(She remembers how Luke adores blue. That it remind him of the skyline and the ocean and it's the color of freedom, Julie. 

It reminds her of all the nights she's feeling blue after, all the night of wondering if she stayed, if she let him explain instead of accepting her dad offer to move and run away from him) 

(But his words cuts too deep even though she knows he said it in the haze of his anger) 

She doesn't know most people, as to be expected. Trying not to fidget, feeling self conscious from some of the stare that she gets since she arrived. 

Bracing herself, she walks to Reggie and Alex who seems to be already drinking. 

They're her best options really. 

"Hey," She greeted them, waving her hand awkwardly. "I hope I'm not interrupting something important."

"You arrived!" Reggie exclaims loudly, pulling her into a hug, while she laughs. Reggie enthusiasm is contagious. 

"I thought this will scare you off," Alex teases, hugging her next. "You look beautiful, Julie."

"You really do," Reggie supplied. "Man, Luke won't know what hit him tonight."

She can feel her cheeks burning, because she's pretty sure Alex and Reggie knows that this is just publicity right? That she's not actually dating Luke. 

Trying to divert the conversation she replies, "I thought Luke only had two friends?"

Reggie started cackling loudly beside her while she can see Alex trying to hide back his grin. 

Alex shrugged, "You know. We need to fill the space somehow."

"Right. That makes a lot of sense."

Reggie tilted his head, "Instead of?"

Before she can answer, someone screams excitedly, "He's here! He's here, everyone be quiet!"

Following the lead, she decided to falls back, letting Reggie and Alex to stand near the front of the entrance while she stays near the bar. 

Flagging the bartender, she leans close trying to be quiet. "A cosmo, please."

She needs the liquid courage. 

Nursing her glass, she let it when all the guest seem to leap out when Luke arrived, blinking at all of them surprised before he laughs, pleased. 

Alex and Reggie immediately hug Luke, all the affection and love is clear between the three of them. 

When she hears Reggie asking about the birthday cake, she knows it's time for her to go and announce her presence. 

Because she's here so she can be seen with the birthday boy. Not for him no. 

Finishing her cosmo quickly, she stands up trying to muster up all the confidence she have. 

"Luke!" She greets warmthly, trying not to squirm from all the attention that suddenly focused on hers. It's distracting. 

(What's most distracting is the way Luke turns at her surprised. The way his emerald eyes took his fill of her, how it brings a pleasant warmth that started at the bottom of her stomach) 

(She's gonna blame it on the cosmo) 

"Happy Birthday!" She squeals, letting out a giggle for good measures. "Oh, I'm so happy to be here!"

Pulling him into a hug, she hopes that it doesn't look as awkward as she's feeling right now. 

To someone who doesn't know him well, Luke's smile seem genuine. But she can see the tightness in his eyes, the way his smile doesn't reach his eyes. 

"Yeah," He answer stiflly. "I'm happy you're here too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't really like this chapter, especially the last part. but anyway, next chapter will be better. 
> 
> in term of writing and in term of this two people together.
> 
> because honestly, it's getting tiring writing bitter julie. 
> 
> song used in this chapter was fools, by Lauren Aquilina
> 
> you can also find me at tumblr [seleneweavers](https://seleneweavers.tumblr.com/%E2%80%9D)


	5. chapter five: why we can't be friends when we are lovers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title come from sincerity is scary by the 1975. I feel like this should be a social media au but I am very new at ao3 and this whole fan fiction thing so you'll have to use your imagination folks, sorry

  
**Now**

She wakes up with her phone ringing loudly near her dresser. It doesn't help her headache, like at all.

Who's idea to drink her ass of anyway? 

"What?" She grumbles, annoyed. Griping the table, trying to balance herself. How much she drinks last night? 

Shit, she forgot to erase her make up last night, too tired to care. Looking at the mirror her face already look like a mess. While her dress was discarded near the foot of the bed. 

"Julie here's your schedule..."

"Fuck." She cringe realizing she said it simultaneously while her publicist speak as she inspect her face. "No. I mean not you.... I mean. You could continue."

Pia-her publicist seem to accept her excuse. "As I was saying. I have your schedule for the next few weeks as we established your relationship with Lucas Patterson from Sunset Curve."

"You could just say Luke."

"You could started by going to the apartment he shares with his bandmate, Alexander Mercer and Reggie Peters," Pia continues ignoring her. "We think it would be good if paparazzi caught you going in and out of his apartment while simultaneously establishing a good relationship with his bandmate, spending time some time with them because people seem to like it."

"We?" 

"Luke publicist."

She nods, realizing that Pia couldn't see it. "Oh right okay."

"People seem to like it that you spend time with them when they saw you yesterday," Pia says. "Good job, by the way."

She sighs, pressing her fingers at the bridge of her nose. She didn't even meant the whole ordeal to be that way, she genuinely like Reggie and Alex in the rare time they spend together. 

Alex pragmatism and Reggie endless enthusiasm is a contrast that really balance everything out. 

She didn't even want to check social media, knowing that the photo's from Luke's birthday party yesterday will be going around already, she didn't even want to know how the photo turn out. 

"We recommend that you go out more with him. Going grocery shopping together, having coffee together. Take some photos, upload it on your social media, keep people wondering. That sort of thing, before we go to phase two."

She can't help but snort. "Phase two?"

Pia shrugs, "I don't know how else to phrase it."

"Okay, Phase two. Got it."

"Julie?"

"Yeah?"

"You should do it soon."

She groans, "How soon?"

"The day after tomorrow soon."

She sighs, resigned. The sooner it's over the better. "Sure. Of course."

"You've agreed to it," Pia remind her matter of factly. 

"I know and I'm regretting it already."

She can hear Pia laughs. "Good luck, Julie."

Without replying to Pia she close her phone. Ugh. She needs to call Flynn. 

* * *

**Then**

"Could you just come through the front door like a normal person?" She points at her window. She's starting to regret letting Luke coming in and out of her window if it's mean make it easier for him to distract her. 

And she doesn't need any distraction right now. 

Luke grins, "Where's the fun in that?"

She rolls her eyes, before focusing back on her laptop. She's got her homework to finish. 

Without a word, Luke sits in the foot of the bed, staring at her carefully. 

"What?" 

Luke brows furrowed."What got you in a bad mood?"

"I'm fine," She mutterred, pressing down on her keyboard with more force than necessary. Okay maybe she's not in a great mood right now. 

"You're sure?" Luke ask again, concerned. 

She nodded, determined. "I'm fine, Patterson."

Letting the conversation drop, Luke become quiet while she focus back on her work. 

She can hear him humming to random tune while she try her best to keep her mind focused. It's hard. Because she knows her heart it's not entirely into it anyway. 

"Mom and I have a fight." 

It's her who break the silence, while Luke lay there quiet. Listening. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

She shook her head, "I can't. I barely even remember what I was writing about."

Luke nodded like he understand. He probably do, she realized. 

Tugging at her hand, she follow his lead. Laying down next to him in her bed, staring at the constellation of stars that they made together. 

"When I'm fighting with mom I can barely think either," Luke says, slowly. "So I decided to stare at the stars instead, counting them out until I can feel my head clear again."

She let out a sighs. "Is it working?"

Luke shrugs, "Sometimes it does. My guitar is the thing that works most of the time though. But you know, I don't have it in me all the time."

She can feel Luke tugging at her hand. She turned around, feeling Luke hand brushing her cheeks gently. "Count with me, Jules."

She nodded, already missing Luke touch when he let go of his hand, "One...Two..."

* * *

**Now**

Luke tell her that she doesn't need to bring her anything, but she order some pizza to be delivered just to be sure. 

She's contemplating bringing a box of chardonay for a gift but it feels like it's more fitting for Maggie and Pia rather than three men from a rock band.

Pizza seems safe. People like pizza right? She remember sixteen year old Luke devour pizza like his life depends on it, so she hopes twenty six year old Luke loves pizza as much as his teenage self. 

It's Alex who opens the door, "Already up and running I see."

She rolls her eyes, "All in a day's work."

Alex laughs before allowing her to come in. 

(She doesn't know why it's so easy to converse with Alex and Reggie when they basically talk two times before now. 

She wonders if things don't go to hell, if she stays in Loz Felis high a little longer, she'll get along Alex and Reggie too) 

"We've cleaned for you Jules!" Reggie pipes in from the kitchen. Not far from him is the pizza that she ordered. Thank god it already delivered. 

"And by clean, he means our loyal housekeeper keeping it clean," Alex whisper next to her ear. 

She laughs, elbowing Alex stomach. "Don't ruin it for him!"

Alex shrugs, unconcerned before walking towards Reggie, taking one of the pizza that been laid out in the table. "I guess this is your doing."

"I figured you guys like Pizza?"

Reggie smile brightly at her, "Thank you Jules! You don't have to but thank you!"

She nods, "So what movies we're gonna watch today?"

"You should choose. Luke says you have a good taste at picking movies," Reggie says easily. She doesn't miss the way Alex kick Reggie feet discreetly. 

"He does?"

Alex looks guilty, "Quoting Luke, I think he says you're taste is pretentious. But in a good way. I promise!"

(It brings fond memory of Luke teasing her while they watch movies together. 

Leaning on his shoulder while she comments on the movies, the fun fact that she found while he listen to her carefully, letting her be) 

Before she can ask where is Luke anyway, like he's been summoned, Luke seem to come out of nowhere, blinking at her. Surprised. 

(She realizes that his hair is still damp. That she can see traces of water that still clinging to his arm. She hates that she even notices it. 

She hates herself even more when she realizes it makes her heart race) 

"Julie." Luke clears his throat. "I thought you'll coming tommorow."

Ignoring his comment, she tilt her head, "My movie taste is pretentious huh?"

Luke tense. But he nods anyway, "Yeah. Because they are."

(If this any other day she'll probably trying her best to piss him off. 

But she likes Reggie and Alex and doesn't want them to be in the crossfire of things past) 

She hums thoughtfully, "I think I have something in mind."

(She doesn't miss the surprised look on Luke's face when she didn't say anything else. 

Or the hopeful one either when he ask her about her thoughts on the movies and she answer it easily. She doesn't) 

(She does) 

* * *

**Then**

"You know the third act of Tarzan supposed to be different?"

Luke sat up instantly, looking at her curious. "It does?"

She grumbled, already missing the warmth that Luke offers. "Yes."

Luke staring at her expentaly while she laughs, deciding to pause the movie. "Based on the books, Tarzan follow Jane to England. But they decided to change it, letting Tarzan live in the jungle with his family."

"I think I like the movie ending better."

She nods, "Me too."

"Tarzan and Jane choosing freedom in the jungle, living in their own termt and having only each other seem like a good deal to me."

"I don't know Luke Patterson is a romantic," She teases. "But the freedom part sure sound like your thing."

Luke laughs, "I guess it does huh?"

* * *

**Now**

Sipping her latte slowly she try not to reach the phone that been tuck safely in her purse. 

She's here to talk, to have a conversation with Luke and act like she's happy and in love. And her, being on the phone will probably ruin all that. 

The air between them has become less tense after the impromptu hang out at his place, but it still awkward between them. 

"How are you?"

"We just met each other a few days ago," She points out drily. 

Luke huffs, annoyed. "I'm just asking to be polite Julie."

She froze. Fuck. She knows she's the one being difficult. She try again. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm good."

For a while, the only sound she can hear is the sound of traffic outside, the conversation that happened around the cafe and the sound of Luke tapping his feet on the ground. 

"I never say sorry you know," Luke starts nervously. She can feel the way her blood turn cold. "For your mom. I love her too, you know."

She nods. Because she knows. God she knows. Doesn't make it less painful though. 

"Do you still use it? The dream box?" Luke continues, tentatively. She nods again, because she doesn't trust her voice right now. "I still use one too. And I've seen you achieved one of your dream in the dream box, Julie."

"You achieve yours too," She answer, thankful that her voice doesn't betray her right now. "Congratulations."

Luke looks hesitant before he barrels on, "I'm glad that you achieve it, Julie. You deserve it."

She try her best to hold back her smile, but based on the way Luke smiles at her bright and carefree, he seem to notice it. 

They don't talk about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy it. Kudos comment feedbacks are greatly appreciated! Happy holidays! Have a safe one!


	6. chapter six: no proof, one touch, but you felt enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this worth the wait. I didn't planned it to be this long, but well I started getting lost in it. 
> 
> I feel like all of you deserved a break after all the angst from the first five chapter, lol. 
> 
> No worries it will come back, but for now enjoy. 
> 
> title come from you're in love by Taylor Swift because I listen to Taylor Swift a lot writing this chapter

  
**Now**

After the coffe, it does get easier, the air a little clearer. She's still careful, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

But it's getting better. 

Once, when they're on a grocery run and end up hiding from the papparazi in a small diner that is similar to the place they used to go to, the air tense filled with all the words unspoken, Luke trying to bring it up. 

She doesn't let him. Decided to ignore him instead. 

Luke never tries again. 

(She try to swallow her disappointment, because it's what she wants right? Being strictly professional. This is just a job. Another job, before she moves on to newer better things) 

(She's not sure she wants that anymore) 

Luke has always been generous with his touch, she knows. It's one of the things that is never changed. 

She can see the affectionate way he pulls Alex and Reggie into a hug, the gentle pats on the head, the cupping of cheeks, always eager to touch the things that he loves, like it centered him somehow. 

It's becoming a problem, because it's getting hard to differentiate between what's real and what's not when Luke always touches her so easily, not much thought was probably put behind every little contact of the skin. 

The people eat it up of course. 

(There are very few small percentage of people that hated her, that think that she's not pretty enough, that she's not good enough for Luke Patterson. 

But that doesn't matter. Because this whole damn relationship is not real anyway) 

It's one of their scheduled date, when things started to shift once again. 

"Julie," Luke calls her, softly. She looks up from her eggs benedict, seeing the way he rubs the back of his neck self-consciously. 

It makes her stomach swooped down in anticipation, curious why Luke looks so nervous right now. "Yeah?"

Luke bites his lips before reaching down on his jacket that been draped on the back of the chair. 

(She does find it curious why he wear his jacket today, LA heat is no joke) 

Without a word, he put a small ivory box in front of her. She gasp, can feel her heart start stuttering widly on her chest. 

"What is this?" 

"Open it. It's not a ring, if that's what you're worried about," He jokes. If she's not feeling like all of the breath has been taken out of her lungs, she probably will laugh at that. 

Holding her breath, she opens it. There, nestled a necklace with a golden crescent moon pendant. 

"I know it's not much," Luke started, she can hear the note of nervousness that creep on his voice, "But I remember how much you love wearing neklaces, and I just remember about the man under the moon and you know I just..."

Fuck. This is too much. This is not okay. 

"Julie?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you hate it?"

She shook her head. Her eyes still glued to the necklace, her hands gripping the box tight. 

"Do you like it?" Luke ask again, hopeful. 

She close the box quickly. "This is not the plan."

"What?" Luke blinks at her, surprised.

"I mean. The neklace. You shouldn't. Does your publicist put you up with this?"

"No! Of course not!" He retorts back, indignant. "Can I just give a present to my friend?"

"So we're friend now?" She scoffs, trying to hide her trembling hands. "We're not..."

"Can you please stop being so cold and just admit we're friends, Julie!" He shoots back. Luke close his eyes, resigned. "I know I fuck up in the past and you don't want my apology. Fine. I get it. But at least can we just....Try? Because I like being your friend. I miss being your friend, Julie."

She close her eyes, hoping her tears won't come out. With a shaky breath she reach out to the box, offering it to Luke with a small smile. "Here. You can try putting it on me."

Luke beams at her like she just offer him the moon itself. Standing up quickly, he takes the neklace out of the box, his hand gentle, his skin cool to touch when he pull her hair back, clasping the chain on her neck. 

She try not to shiver. Luke is dangerous, in close proximity like this. 

Turning around she hold the pendant, "What do you think?"

"Beautiful." Luke smile is soft, filled with gentle adoration. She swallowed hard, trying not to squirm on her seat. 

"Let's take a picture, shall we?" She offers, trying to lessen the tension. She clears her throat, "I think our fan will lose their shit knowing this. What's the occasion anyway?"

Luke smile has shifted into something more sharp, "Our fan huh? And for the neklace... uhhh. It's for your album."

"My album will come out a month from now."

He shrugs, unbothered. "Still. You're already promoting it anyway."

She pauses. Right. And then after several months after her album, they will split amicably. Saying their busy schedule keep them apart. 

That's the plan. She needs to remember that. 

"Right."

"Yeah."

Dragging Luke chair next to her, she pats it. "Here."

"Let's not keep our fans waiting ," Luke says wryly, already putting his arm at the back of her chair. 

She try to angle her phone, so the neklace will be visible, that both of them can fill the frame but all of it come out bad. 

"I've got an idea." She looks up, seeing Luke staring at her amused. "But you promised you won't kill me after."

"I'll take anything at this point," She huffed, frustrated. Her food forgotten. 

"Okay."

Without prompting, she already being dragged down and suddenly sat on Luke's lap. Surprised. 

"You promised you won't kill me," Luke adds quickly. "Now try to take the picture again this time."

It is easier, the photos come out much cuter than she expected. 

But it's also distracting because she can feel Luke warmth enveloping her completely, his scent filled her senses, his laughter sound so close it makes everything stop. 

Long after, when she's in the safety of her own bedroom, she scrolls down the comment of the photos that she just upload. 

(The first one is both of them staring at the camera, Luke putting his chin on her shoulder, the moon crescent pendant, visible. 

The second one is him staring adoringly at her while she smiles at the camera. 

The third one is her favorite, it's the worst one out of the three, But there's Luke laughing, his eyes crinkiling in the corner while she pokes at his chest with her free hand) 

(She captioned it "Thank you, friend 🌛✨") 

(Some people find the caption hilarious. Some people called them a tease, begging them to confirm their relationship already. 

Some people notice her new neklace. Already connecting the pendant and the emoji she uses. 

But most of them write about how Luke at her, that she is so lucky to have someone that stare at her like she hung the moon) 

She close her phone, decided to go to sleep before everything start spiraling again. 

**Then**

  
"You seriously want to go after Luke Patterson?"

She freeze, already prepared to open the stall door. She can hear the other girl sigh. 

"I mean last I heard he's single right? He's cute. I'm cute. He's single, I'm single."

"Well yeah. But are you really sure you want to go after him?"

The other girl paused. "Why? Why not? Is there something that I didn't know?"

"You know Julie Molina right?"

She hold her breath. Shit. Well, she can't escape now is it? 

"No? Should I?"

The first girl sighs, "If you must know, Luke attached to her. And I'm pretty sure why a guy like Luke Patterson is still single because he's in love with Julie."

She can hear the way her heartbeat sound so loud, it started ringing in her ear. She steps closer, trying to listen to the conversation better. 

The other girl scoffs, "It's high school. Nothing really last forever here."

"True. But I think he's so far gone for her anyway, it's just waiting time until they're together."

The other girl hums thoughtfully, "Okay. Fine. There's still plenty of fish in the ocean."

The first girl laughed, "That's the spirit!"

And even long after both of the girls were gone, she still stayed behind the door, trying to calm her beating heart. 

**Now**

Luke ask her to come to his apartment to celebrate the release of her new single with Alex and Reggie. 

She accepts it, already missing the company now that she is closer to both Alex and Reggie. 

"I thought you'll bring food." Reggie whines, seeing her come empty handed. 

"Sorry," She winces, thinking about the close encounters with some of Sunset Curve rabid fans in Whole Foods this morning when she's trying to shop for tonight. "I don't have time."

Reggie grins at her. "Okay. Next time?"

She laughs, amused. "You're being spoiled. But next time, indeed."

"That's a promise I intend to keep, Jules."

She tilted her head, "You know for a famous bassist you really like to eat free food from me."

Reggie shrugs, "It's free food." Like that's answer enough. Maybe it is. 

"Julie!" Alex greets, already pulling her in for a hug. "Reggie not bothering you, is he?"

She let out a sigh, trying to look forlorn. "He's annoying like always."

"Hey!"

Alex snort beside her, "Please take him away once in a while."

"Should I?"

"Hey, you know I'm right here right?" Reggie ask, pouting at them both. 

Before she can replied, Luke like always caught her off guard. "You made it!"

A fond smile start to bloom on her lips. "Yeah."

Luke gaze seem to focus on something else, seeing the neklace that still hung on her neck. 

"You still wear it," He says, in awe. 

"I wear it everyday," She answer, willing herself not flush under Luke gaze. 

Luke eyes soften, hand reaching to touch the pendant. "It suits you."

"A friend of mine give it to me."

Luke brighten, like that small affirmation is something that is the best thing he heard all day. It makes her heart clench painfully. 

"Is it really just a friend though?" Reggie interjects, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

"It does feel pretty romantic," Alex adds innocently. "I mean, i never stare at my friend lovingly like that, but sure. Friend."

She stammers, already feeling the way the blood rushes to her cheeks. Luke seem to be just the same, she can hear the odd squeak noise that jump out of his lips. 

"Look at the time!" She says at last, begging for her complexion to disguise her flush. "I don't want to go home late tonight boys. Shall we?"

Thankfully, seeming to take a mercy on them both, Alex and Reggie agrees easily. 

She try to avoid Luke eyes for the whole night. 

**Then**

  
Letting the wind caressing her cheek, she take a deep breath. And let go. "What are we doing in here anyway?" 

Luke clears his throat, "I already told you."

She gives him an unimpressed look, "This doesn't look like stargazing."

"Well if i say otherwise you won't be here."

She sighs, "I hate you sometimes."

"The feeling mutual," Luke shoots back, grinning at her. 

She rolls her eyes, trying to search the horizon. Open sky, there are some few stars here and there, scattered around. 

"Hey Jules."

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember when you tell me the man under the moon story?"

She nodded, "Why?"

Luke hesitate, before he continues. "Do you think the red thread of fate is true?"

"I don't know," She answer honestly. "I would like it to be true. If such things does exist."

Luke seem to contemplate her question before he links their pinkie together. "There. We can try to make our own, right?"

She falters, already feeling like she's free falling into something unknown that she's not sure of, but it seem like it was an answer enough for Luke because he never bring the topic again. 

He only smiles at her, kissing the top of her head before he go. 

(She writes her first single called 'Star' that night. 

Even after everything, she still keeps it close, the only piece of him that she allow herself to keep) 

**Now**

It's getting harder. Too pretend. 

It feels easy to clasp her fingers with Luke's when they're in public, to let herself being tugged closer to Luke's personal space, to breathe in his scent. 

It's the way Luke kisses her cheeks so easily these days, done not to punctuate a statement, nor as a public announcement, but as a casual display of public affection. 

Touch is Luke love language, but she don't know which pieces of him that she allowed to keep, where the lines begin and end. 

How much is too much anyway? 

It drives her mad, how easy it is to fall into a routine with him. 

They were out in the park, trying to enjoy the free time they have left before they get busy again. 

It was not ideal, she just come out from an interview for her new album, still dressed up in an emerald long sleeves dress that remind her of the color of his eyes, a black stilettos covering her feet. 

She should find more comfortable shoes, but it's been to long since she met him last, so she agrees immediately when Luke ask her to meet in a park near the building she were in. 

"Not fancy as your dress, but here." Luke offer, giving her an ice cream cone filled with two scoops of ice cream. 

She laughs, "You're the one who ask me to come meet you."

"If I know you'll look like this, I'll put more effort in my outfit today."

"You look fine."

"Well, you look radiant."

She stumbles, being caught of guard by Luke's compliments. Her shoes doesn't help the matter either. 

Luke already there, grasping at her arm fast, and in her haste to balance herself-she accidentally crash part of her ice cream into Luke neck who blinks owlishly at her. 

It's when he snort, looking at her, amused and decided to put the remnant of the ice cream at the tip of her nose, his laugh getting louder when he saw her face, 

and without a word, kissing the tip of her nose as an apology as he takes the air straight out of her lungs, as she can feel the sparks that started to ignite at the bottom of her stomach she realizes

She is so screwed isn't she? 


	7. chapter seven: all the patience that i've got, it's not enough to save me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update because I'm usually nervous about the second part of my stories. all of my stories basically. after this, the update will be longer because I plan to finish my first story (which is for as long as I live) before finishing on all my unfinished stories. 
> 
> This whole story is basically Luke and Julie need better communication skills, honestly. 
> 
> chapter title come from stargazing by the neighborhood.

**Now**

  
They are getting better at this. Friends. Just friends. She try to remember this mantra by heart. 

(Her heart romanticize everything too easily, it's the havoc of not knowing how to interpret implications and catching signals, pocketing them in a cavity of a bruised heart) 

Because lately, she fall asleep to the phantom feeling of Luke finger's interlaced with her own, his smile branded on the back of her eyelids. 

There is only so much can bear before breaking. 

It's a quiet day, Luke has invited her to come for dinner in his apartment. She say yes, expecting to meet Alex and Reggie when she arrived.

(Apparently the universe has other ideas) 

"Julie." Luke greets her, his voice hesitant. 

"Hey," She greeted him back, eyebrows raised. "What's with the long face?"

Luke grimace, before walking next to her taking the bag of strawberries she bring for Reggie-because it's his favorite, quickly putting it on the large coffe table near the kitchen. 

She suddenly realize how quite it is. "Where is everyone?"

"That's what I want to talk to you about!" Luke awkwardly chuckles before continuing, "Alex have a date and Reggie decided to bail when he knows you're gonna come over."

She can see Luke start to redden, the sight makes something pleasant start form at the bottom of her stomach. 

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Getting brave, she walks closer to Luke that is studiously trying to ignore her eyes, "Did Reggie says anything before he goes?"

Seeming to understand what she's trying to do, Luke give her a lazy smile, "I'd rather not say."

She hums, trying to ignore the shiver that start to form at the back of her spine. "So what's the plan for dinner? Take out?"

"I'm planning on making spaghetti and meatballs, actually."

It takes a whole minute for her to process what Luke just says to her. "I'm sorry. What?"

Luke give her a wounded puppy-dog look. "Just so you know, I'm not a terrible cook."

"That's reassuring," She replied drily. "Not a terrible cook. Wonderful."

"Stop being mean," Luke pouts, tugging at her curls. She hopes the light is dim enough to disguise her blush. 

Walking toward the kitchen counter, she take a look around. "I thought only Alex that can   
cook. "

"We all can," Luke answer. "But Reggie is the best one, but he's too lazy for the clean up afterwards."

She blinks, surprised. "Reggie the best one?"

Seeming to read her mind, Luke continues,"Reggie likes being spoiled by you."

"Of course he did."

"Don't tell him I tell you this. He'll be crushed," Luke murmurs, turning away. He reaches for the cabinet handle, seeming to busying himself for the ingredient needed. 

She absentmindedly play with her fingers, feeling uncomfortable standing around while Luke preps for dinner. "Luke, can I help?"

He waves his hand, "I promise you dinner, I'll make you one."

"I feel weird, you know. Not doing anything."

Luke hums thoughtfully, "You can talk, while I cook. I like hearing your voice."

She pause. She clears her throat, the color flushing her cheeks. "Do you have wine? I think I need a glass."

And that's how she end up sitting on the kitchen counter, wine in hand-offering stories that she can recall at the top of her head while Luke cooks next to her, listening to her stories while she try not to squirm under his intense gaze. 

(It feels real and so damn domestic that her heart struggled beneath her ribcage regarding how easy to fall over and over again for the man in front of her. 

She wants this so much, it ache) 

It's when Luke offer her the bite of the pasta, looking at her hopefully while she nodded her agreement, And the smiles that he gives her is so god damn happy that she nearly kiss him right there and there. 

She doesn't, though. 

Tucking one of her curls at the back of her ear, she gives him a soft smile, "You're right. It's not bad."

**Then**

She hates being sick. 

She's cold and achy, and she can't seem to get warm. Curling under her blanket, she groans wishing for the cold to be gone. 

She's nearly fall asleep again, when she hears a knock on her door. 

"Come in," She says, voice hoarse. The door open slowly, and there's Luke, standing in front of her room, hesitant. 

"Jules."

"What are you doing here?" She blinks, suprised. Before she double over, in another coughing fit. "Don't come close."

"Relax, Jules."

She shook her head, burrying herself more in the blankets. "You'll get sick too."

"I don't care," Luke insist, walking closer to her. "I'll be fine."

"I look horrible," She muttered, trying to cover herself with the blanket. 

Luke snort, "And I've seen you in worst state than this, Jules."

Seeming not to care, Luke sat down next to her night stand, putting the bowl that he brought at the top of it. 

Luke tugged at the blanket with more force than necessary, uncovering her that still trying to hide. Without a word, Luke cups her cheeks while she froze, feeling like a deer in the headlights. 

"You're burning," He murmured, concerned. At this point, she doesn't know if this is the fever talking or Luke proximity that makes her this way. 

"No shit Sherlock."

Luke ignore her, pointing to the bowl in her nightstand. "I made you something."

Her eyes widen. "You did?" 

Luke shrugs, turning shy. "Yeah. I figured I should try."

She gapes at him, suprised. Opening the cover at the top of the bowl, she try to hold back her instinct to hurl-because it doesn't look appetizing. 

But Luke seeming to wait for her to taste it, so she braces herself and put a spoonful of the stew at the back of her mouth. 

"It's good, thank's Luke."

He smile at her, pleased. It doesn't matter that even her tasteless taste bud seeming to hate what ever concoction Luke just made. 

What matters is that Luke seem to be happy. 

  
**Now**

  
She hums the melodies again, trying to find the right lyrics for it. 

She doesn't know how she end up helping Luke making his new song, but here she is, sitting on the grand piano that apparently owned by Reggie. 

("Reggie thinks wooing girls with piano will be more romantic."

"That makes sense.") 

"The lyrics doesn't sound right," Luke mutters, already reaching for the piece of paper that sat at the top of the piano. 

She nods, pressing the tuts of the piano distractedly-before realizing she started to play the intro to 'Star'. 

She pauses, cursing herself for suddenly playing it. Looking up, seeing Luke already staring back at her. 

He clears his throat, "That's star right?"

"Yeah," She replied, voice small. Trying to fill the silence, she let her fingers dance on the piano. 

_Lend me your palm_   
_I have brought you a star_   
_As bright as who you are_   
_But not enough as lovely as what you are_

It's been a while since she sang it last, her finger a little clumsy at the piano but her voice come out clear and bright. 

Luke doesn't stop her, his eyes seem to glimmer under the dim light so she let herself continue to next verse, 

_They can grant me a wish_   
_And guide me home when I have to_   
_But you’re the one I pray for_   
_And the sanctuary I will go back to_

She remember how the first verse come to be, but the song takes time before it become whole.

She keeps her eyes glued to the piano, refusing to meet Luke eyes because a part of her wonder, if he knows it's about him. 

_I might have to return you to the sky tonight_   
_But now it feels like you make everything alright_   
_I might have never told you but with you_   
_Feel like everything is right_

Luke seem to walk closer to her-she can feel the heat that radiates from him, as she continues to the next verse, the most important one, 

_Whisper me a kiss_   
_You can draw me your dreams_   
_It’s safe inside this tiny house_   
_Where we both understand of who we are_

She falters a little bit, trying to swallow the memory down. It's her most treasured possession, this song that she made. 

_I might have to return you to the sky tonight_   
_But now it feels like you make everything alright_   
_I might have never told you but with you_   
_Feel like everything is right_   
_Feel like everything is right_   
_Feel like everything is right_

"I'm sorry for the impromptu perfomance," She chuckles awkwardly, trying to hide her discomfort. 

Luke still staring at her in awe, seem to be entranced. He blinks, slow and languid, gathering his thoughts. "No. No it's incredible."

Her hearts kicks into overtime, beating hard against her chest. "I was a little rusty though, it's been a while."

"If that's you being a little rusty," Luke starts, tentatively reaching out to tuck one of her wild strands at the back of her ear. "I think I'm gonna die if you playing it on a good day."

Luke eyes are very green under the dim light, his touch feather light. It makes her head dizzy, with the intensity of it. 

The moment is broken when she can hear her phone ringing loudly near the coffee table. 

"I have to go," She muttered, standing up abruptly trying to avoid getting into Luke's personal space because she knows it will broke her resolve if she let it happen. 

"Julie."

"It's late, I should go. See you next time, Luke," She retorts, sharp. 

"Julie." Luke plea sound wrong in her ear, so with determination she avoid looking at him, gathering her things fast. 

"Julie."

She doesn't look back. 

  
**Then**

  
"What are you doing?"

Looking up, she saw Luke leaning on her bedroom door. 

She raises her eyebrows, "Finally going to the front door like normal people?" 

Luke shook his head, without a word placing her fingers into the right placement. "You need to press harder."

"I'm trying," She insist. Huffing a little, frustrated. "But it's hard."

"Piano makes you soft," He teased, stroking her head roughly. "I thought you don't want to learn to play guitar."

She force herself not to blush, looking Luke dead in the eye, "I changed my mind."

"Trying to take my spot?"

"Clearly."

"With the way you're playing right now, that will take years Jules."

She roll her eyes, "What are you doing here anyway? Except criticizing me."

"What? I'm not allowed to be here?"

"Leave, I'm busy."

Luke pouts before getting closer to her. She try not be flustered, letting him correcting her fingers one more time. 

"Harder."

She bites her lips, "It hurts."

Luke seem to soften, taking her hand, caressing her palm gently. It feels so good, she try her best to stay still. "Then stop. I like you best when you sing with your piano anyway."

She stuttered, trying to find the rights words to describe how she like it when Luke do that. How it started to feel familiar, a comforting touch that she misses dearly when he let go. 

But she often seem to be at loss of words regarding Luke about the simplest of matters.   
So she shut her mouth. 

"Julie!" 

Both of them jumped immediately, seeming to realize their close proximity. Luke let go of her hand, like she's been burned. 

"Mija?" Her mother called her again. 

Avoiding her eyes, Luke cleared his throat. "Okay. I think that's my cue to leave."

Luke is gone as fast as he arrived. She lets it, trying not to be disappointed. 

**Now**

  
She try not to let herself feeling self conscious. After trying to avoid Luke for a month now, reasoning that she gets busy, declining some of the invitation that Alex and Reggie offers she finally accepts the invitation to come to a party. 

And here she is. Standing around, greeting some of the people that recognize her, trying to make a small talk while trying to find the two people that asked her to come. 

She figures, going to a party seem like a safe bet. It's crowded, she doesn't have to be alone with Luke-because lately, that seem dangerous. 

Being alone with Luke is bringing back things that she doesn't want to bring up. And if it means avoiding her feelings at all cost, then be it. 

She's second guessing herself, trying to find some air when she found him. 

Luke, with a girl on his arm. The girl face is so close with Luke owns, that their lips nearly touched. 

She turns back around so fast, not letting herself watch any longer before she breaks right then and there. 

This is what she wants right? Distance? A reason to not get too close. 

But why it feels so damn painful? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The real 'Star' song which is sung and made by Nadin Amizah, is actually played in ukulele but I love the lyric so much not to use it. 
> 
> And it was not planned incorporating the song, but I've used so many star and moon theme in this story, I might as well just go all in. 
> 
> I know Luke is the one who says, "You're a star, Julie." But impulsively I write Julie as the one with the song last chapter, so might as well go with it. 
> 
> (Even though realizing now, it fit more with Luke. Oops. Yeah I need to plan this better. I just like it better when Julie the one who's singing in my fic) 
> 
> But I hope you'll still enjoy this, until next time. Everything will be explained, with time.


	8. chapter eight: it's the beggining of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title come from do me a favour, by arctic monkeys

**Now**

"You're okay?" Even with miles and miles away between them, she can picture Flynn face perfectly. 

"Why everyone keep asking me that?" She ask pointedly. Closing her eyes, trying to block the constellation of stars at her ceiling. She doesn't need that reminder today. 

"Because you clearly are not," Flynn shoot back, matter of factly. 

"I'm fine."

"Jules."

"I said I'm fine!"

Flynn sighs, resigned. "You need to rest, Jules. Take some time off. I miss you."

She bites her lips, "I miss you too."

"When you'll be joining me in London then?" 

"You know I'm busy."

"And like I said, you need to rest. I'm gladly take you sightseeing when you finally take that time you needed."

"Soon," She answer, seeing the missed call she gets from her dad. "Gotta go, my dad calls."

"Tell me, okay?" Flynn ask, gently. "Next time."

"Next time," She promises and hang up. 

She try to swallow her disappointment when she sees the lack of notification from Luke. She should be glad right? 

It's been two weeks since Luke keep calling her, asking her what's wrong but she refused. Keep avoiding him until he get the hint. 

It still hurt seeing that he stops. What does she want at this point? She doesn't even know. 

She used to take it for granted, the time with her dad. But now, being away from him most of the time nowadays has make her more grateful for the weekly calls she get to receive. 

"You know I miss talking to Luke," Her dad starts, as she her blood turn cold. "How is he?"

"He's good," She answer carefully. "He's busy."

"It's been what? Ten years?" When she doesn't answer, he continues. "When your tia tell me that you meet Luke again I was surprised _mija_. But happy. He's always been good to you. I'm glad you make up. It's about time."

She hopes her laugh sound genuine. "Yeah. I'm happy too."

"When I get to speak to him again then?"

Opening her eyes, she let out a sigh. "Soon."

  
**Then**

Her dad takes time to soften towards Luke. In contrast with her mother, who accepted Luke immediately, her dad seem to be more cold, polite. 

(Years later when she ask him why he takes his time with Luke her dad says because she's his firstborn, his daughter. The apple of his eyes. 

And Luke with his cut off shirts and his mischievous grin smells like trouble) 

But she remembers one evening when her mom is too tired to cook, saying that her headache been getting worse, so her dad offers to cook and Luke offering his help. 

Her eyes widens, thinking fast she tried to make an excuse, "Luke promised to go with me to the pier... to buy ice cream."

Luke brows furrowed, "I don't think.."

She kicks Luke feet. Hard. Doesn't he see how troublesome it is spending his time with her dad? 

"You can do it any other time mija," Her dad ask wryly before turning towards Luke. "You can help."

Luke nods, his expression turned determined. 

It's not as disastrous as she expected, dread pooling at the bottom of her stomach. She never realizes how much she wants her dad to like Luke. Until now. 

(God don't let Luke screw this up) 

It's when the food had been finish and she was arranging the plates in the table, she saw her dad pats Luke in the shoulder. 

"Good job mijo."

Luke brightens. 

(It's there she realized that Luke want her dad approval as much as she wants it) 

**Now**

This feels like an encore of their previous meetings. A never ending cycle. Maybe it's the right thing, putting the distance between them. 

It never ends well right? Going back to the things that broke you. 

She put her hair in braids again this time, aiming for casual wearing a blue sweater that she paired with black denim, looking forward for all of this to be over. 

She let the crescent moon to be visible, knowing that people will point it out if they saw her without it. 

She find Luke sitting outside, the sun seemed to washed over his form, pouring over a few black leather-bound journals. Dark hair fall across his brow, biting his lips in concentration. He looks like every inch of a tortured artist, his features seem to soften underneath the sunlight. 

She try to imagines in another universe where she meets Luke like this, trying to gather her nerves asking out the cute boy who seem to be writing god knows what. 

(She knows he probably writing song lyrics in those journals, weaving new words and let it come to live with his melodies) 

He’s still so utterly handsome, it hurts. 

Luke looks up when he hear her approaching, his brows furrowed in determination. 

"Julie," He greets her carefully, seeming to pondering his next move. 

"Luke."

"How are you?"

"Good."

A pause. Luke frowned, seeming to throw caution to the wind. "You've been avoiding me."

"I haven't," She replied without missing a beat. "I've been busy."

Luke sighs, "Is it because what happened in the apartment that night?"

She pursed her lips, trying to keep her emotions down, down where she can't touch it, where anyone can't touch it. 

"Because if i break some kind of boundaries, I don't mean too. I'm sorry."

It's not that, that's the thing. It's the fact that she saw him with another girl that makes her mad. 

It's the fact that she has no rights to be angry, has no rights because this relationship is not real anyway. 

"I'm sorry, too." She utters at last. "And I'm not lying when I said I was busy, Luke. I was."

Luke doesn't seem to believe her but he accepts her apology anyway. Letting out a grin, he offers her his hand. "Friends?"

She accepts it. "Friends."

**Then**

She shouldn't have come. But she's been curious, never going to a high school party before. 

Nadine apparently know the host of the party and has invited for her to come, so she accepts it. Luke has come too, apparently having gone to similar party before. 

She was two drinks in, when she lost Luke. Stumbling through the house, wandering through the room trying to find Luke. She wrinkles her nose, finding the house reeked of alcohol, sweat, and vomit, a combination that she find revolting. 

Luke finally find her, cradling the staircase after she got roped into taking another shot. 

"Lukey!" She exclaims, and if she's in her right mind she probably won't do it. "I've been searching for youuuuu."

"Jules," Luke drawls, shaking his head. Amused, exasperated. "I tell you to wait in the foyer."

"I know, but you've been gone to long and everyone been so nice!" She giggles. "The drinks taste funny, but I keep drinking it anyway! Because it's rude not to do so!"

Luke sighs. "How much you've been drinking?"

She pouts, thinking. "Two? Three? I don't know."

"Okay let's get you home, shall we?"

She always liked being picked up by Luke like this. His arms feels nice around her, she really wants to climb him like a tree. 

It's when Luke started to stumble she realizes she's been saying things out loud. She giggles. 

A flush started to form at the base of Luke neck, all the colors seem to rush to Luke cheeks. It's endearing. She can't help but lean in and kiss the redness on the crook of his neck. 

"You're gonna be the death of me, Jules," Luke murmured, his eyes darkening. 

"Have I ever told you that you're the best?" She ask, ignoring his statement earlier, hands splayed wide while Luke trying his best to hold her still. "Because you are. You're the best Lukey."

It's the only thing she remembers, before darkness overtook her. 

When she wakes up the next morning, in Luke's bed head pounding while he sleeps on the floor she hopes he doesn't ask her whatever happens in her drunk state mind. 

He doesn't. So she pretends that she doesn't remember any of it too. 

**Now**

She's always been a lightweight, that's why she tends to avoid alcohol at all cost. 

But here she ends up in, a dingy bar downton because she needs a drink. 

She needs it because she lost her chance and she's angry and she's sad and she's confused and she doesn't even know what she wants anymore. 

She drinks to forget, because Luke eyes and his laughter seem the loudest now even though she try her best to drown it out. 

It's her fifth glass mixing with two shots when she feels someone sitting next to her. 

"Whoever you are I'm not interested, dude," She slurred, a hiccup escaping her throat. 

"I never thought I'll be seeing popstar Julie Molina in such places like this."

She squint, trying to recognize the guy in front of her. "Ssssh... Not too loud. I'm hiding."

The guy snort. Amused. "How much you've been drinking?"

"Three? I don't know I lost count."

"I think you should stop." Said guy says, trying to put her glass down. "Before you get alcohol poisoning and I have to bring you to the hospital."

She giggles, "Hospital. Huh. That's funny."

"You really are drunk huh?"

"I am," She exclaimed before burst into another fit of giggles. "Fuck I miss him."

"Okay, I think it's best if you get home." 

She blinks, languidly. Slow. Finally realizing the guy that's been speaking to her all this time. 

"Oh. Hey, Bobby!" 

(She doesn't really know him. Not really. She knows he's a part of Sunset Curve long ago, before he get out of the band with reasons unknowns. 

Luke never tells her anything. Neither Alex nor Reggie. She never ask too) 

It's the last thing she remember, smiling dopily at Bobby before she falls limp, right into his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, I don't hate Bobby/Trevor Wilson but I need someone being sketchy in this so he seems perfect
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, until next time!


	9. chapter nine: when the time comes, baby don't run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title chapter comes from kiss me slowly by parachute . I'm in the middle of a period cramps, and i get to spend my day curled up in bed so enjoy this. 
> 
> I think most of you will like this one. I hope.

**Now**

She wakes up with her head pounding so hard she nearly hurl into her nightstand. Fuck, how many drinks she drank last night? 

She needs to stop drinking so much these days. 

Letting out a sigh, she let her eyes travel to the constellations of stars in her ceiling. Taking a deep breath, and let go. 

Inhale. Exhale. Without a word she take her phone knowing something must happen if it can't stop ringing like this. 

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

She winces, hearing the shrill voice of Maggie in her ear. "Please don't be so loud."

"No! No, No Julie. You know you almost ruin everything that we've arranged so hard right? What the fuck?"

"I was drunk, okay? I don't remember much. Please tell me what happened?"

She can hear the exasperated sigh that come out of Maggie's lips, can hear the telltale sign of her heels going back and forth. "Fuck. Julie... "

"No, this won't happen again. I promise. What happened, please?" If there's photo of her and Bobby going around right now, she is so fucking screwed. She doesn't even think she can open her phone without hyperventilating. 

"There's a photo of Bobby with you last night. How you were so drunk you were clinging to him so tightly it looks intimate." 

Fuck. This is horrible. Oh god.   
What did she do? 

"Pia and Luke PR team got a hold of it before it goes around. We've been trying to keep it under wrap for now."

"Oh thank god."

"Don't do shit like that again, okay? You nearly give me a heart attack yesterday."

"Well, I've got the best person in the business," She retorts, trying to lighten up the mood. 

Maggie snort, "Flattery will you get nowhere this time. You fucked up Julie."

She let out a sigh. "I know. I won't do it again, I promise."

This time she knows Maggie is not as angry as before. "Good. You better be."

After Maggie hang up she can see some notifications that go unanswered. There's fourteen missed calls from Luke, and five message more frantic than the last. 

The last one is simple, _“He’s bad news, Julie."_

She shake her head, trying to compose herself. Nope. Not gonna bother with it today. 

  
**Then**

  
It’s easier said than done, getting over her crush on Luke. Every one of her five senses are immediately assaulted by the memories of Luke. 

The defiant glint in his eyes in the midst of their playful banter, the solid warmth of Luke's body enveloping hers, the familiarity of Luke raspy voice soothing her nerves, and the sweet yet intoxicating smell of his cologne.

Luke has made a room in her heart, and lately she's been wondering if it's easier if she never know Luke like this, because it's been killing her, all the mixed up moments that happens between the both of them, all the question she never get to ask. 

So when a distraction came in the form of the blonde guitarist, asking her on a date, she immediately says yes. 

“You’re not seriously going to go out with Nick, are you?” Luke asks incredulously.

Her eyes narrow at his outburst. "Why not?"

Luke splutters before he sighs, "Because... He's not good enough for you!"

"Well thank god I don't have to ask you who I can and can't date am I?" She shoot back, her voice come out higher than she expected. 

"Jules, listen." Luke reach out carefully, grasping her shoulder. She lets it. "Nick is not good enough for you. Nobody is good enough for you. Trust me."

She scoffs, letting go of Luke's hold. "Then who am I supposed to date if that's the case huh? Am I just have to die alone then?"

"Julie... "

She nodded, giving him an empty smile. "That's what I thought. Goodbye Luke."

  
**Now**

  
Reggie and Alex has asked her to come meet her in a cafe near their apartment. She agrees, giving in easily. 

"How did you end up with Bobby anyway?" Alex ask her carefully. Finger lightly tapping on the table top. 

"Yeah I was surprised too," Reggie pipes in, looking at her, curious. 

"We accidentally met in the bar."

From the look that shared between Reggie and Alex, it seems like they didn't believe her one bit. 

"I'm serious, I was having a bad day. I was already few drinks in and he sat next to me. That's it."

"That seem kinda sketchy," Alex retorts wrly. 

Reggie nods,"Yeah, also the photos didn't help either."

She glares at them both, "In the end it's okay right? The photos been taking care off. You guys have nothing to worry about."

Alex sighs, "That's not why we want to talk you about, Jules."

She pauses, putting her fork down. "I figured."

Alex and Reggie shares a look again, something she can't decipher. 

Holding her hand lightly, Alex says, "I think you should talk to Luke."

  
**Then**

The date went well. Nick is a perfect gentleman, bringing her flowers and offering her his jacket when she gets too cold. 

But that's the thing. He's not Luke. 

She let Nick kiss her cheeks at the end of the day, offering his jacket back and giving him a vague answer that seem to pleased him. 

She should be happy right? She should. She really should. 

It's when she walks to her room, hearing the sound of someone pacing back and forth she knows this conversation is inevitable. 

"What are you doing here?" She ask without preamble. 

Luke stops, his brow furrowed. "Have a fun date?"

She raises her eyebrows, challenging him. "Yes. I actually am."

"What are you seeing on Nick of all people anyway." Luke scoffs, his eyes darken with anger. 

"He's handsome, and he's nice. He's also a gentleman."

"Doesn't seem like it," Luke muttered. "Kissing you on the cheek on a first date?"

She's suddenly so damn tired. She's so fucking damn exhausted. "What is it all about anyway? Because I'm tired, Luke."

Luke pauses, before he let out a sigh. "He doesn't deserve you, Jules."

"We've been through this before."

"Yes and I mean it," Luke insist, walking closer to her. She hold her breath. "Nobody deserves you. Least of all me. But seeing you with Nick drives me crazy even more because he doesn't know you like I do Jules..."

Before Luke can continues, she decided to throw caution to the wind and kiss him. 

  
**Now**

  
She's questioning her decision now. Inviting Luke to her apartment seem like a bad idea. 

But they need to have this conversation one way or the other, knowing that Luke seem to have a grudge on Bobby that needs to be resolved one way or the other. 

"Hey," Luke greets her, his voice wary. "I get your call."

"Come in," She utters, opening the front door wider. Luke walks hesitantly through the front door as she realizes this is the first time after months being 'together' that he's in her apartment. 

"Do you want a drink?"

Luke shake his head, his feet seem to can't stop moving. 

Trying to make herself busy she ask, "Are you sure? I have water. Coffee. Juice."

"Why am I here?" 

She pauses, before continuing rummaging through her kitchen counter. "Alex and Reggie ask me to talk to you."

Luke shoulder tensed up, before he relax. "About what?"

"Bobby."

Luke shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. "I thought it was taken care off."

"Yes it was," She answer without missing a beat. "But Alex and Reggie seem to make the matter bigger than it already was."

"They didn't tell you anything?" Luke sounds puzzled. 

She shake her head, "No. Unfortunately No."

Luke sighs, before he pace back and forth on her apartment living room. It seem familiar, seeing him like this pacing back and forth. 

(No. She try to stop thinking about that particular memory) 

"He's bad news Jules."

She raises her eyebrow, "Yes, you already told me."

"He's bad news and he hates me and the fact that he probably approaches you when you're vulnerable... That doesn't seem right."

She can feel her heart start pounding beneath her ribcage. Slowly, she start walking closer towards Luke, who seem to can't stop pacing. "Why would he approached me then?"

"Because he knows you're important to me!" 

The confession hang in the air between them, the air thick with the million words left unsaid. 

Luke seem to move first before she realizes it, seeming to take the air straight out of her lungs when he presses his lips onto her, gently before turning into more demanding. 

The nerve endings along her skin seem to come alive with every caress, He swallowed every gasp that comes out of her lips. 

"Julie," Luke whisper like a prayer-filled with so much devotion she can't help but feel like she might break. 

Without a word, she pulls him again closer than before. Getting the hint, he pushes her near the wall, until her back is against it as she loop her feet around his torso. 

It's when Luke start kissing his way down to her neck, lips dangerously close to her breast that he asked her, "Are you sure?"

She pulls his hair roughly, seeming to pull out a groan out of his lips. "Shut up and kiss me."

And he does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was worth it lol. until next time
> 
> the Bobby situation will makes sense later I promise. I just need them to be together noe


	10. chapter ten: in the moment we're lost and found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title chapter comes from wings by birdy. 
> 
> this also has been beta read by Lea (Lollea) because she's the best and able to help my attrocious spelling and grammar 🥺
> 
> this is just fluff, will be just fluff for a while before we go angsty again. i hope you enjoy this

**Now**

When she wakes up the next morning, she can feel someone’s steady breath pressing into her hair, an arm draped tightly around her waist. 

For a moment, she grows confused. She's not in a habit of waking up with a body next to her, let alone tangled up with someone like this. But it's nice, having someone wrapped around her like this. It's warm. Comfortable. 

_Safe._

There's no harm in staying a little longer right? So she closed her eyes once more and tucked herself closer to the source of heat. 

As she layed there, trying to go back to sleep the realization started to kick in. It's Luke arm, that’s holding her naked body right now. Shit. 

She stiffens, hearing Luke mumbling something before holding her a little tighter. What the fuck happened last night? 

"I can feel you freaking out Jules." It's Luke, whispering the words into her skin. 

"I'm not," She denies, even though yeah she's totally losing her shit right now. 

"Stop thinking," Luke muttered. Trailing kisses at the back of her neck as she try tries to hold back her moan. 

She decides to turn around, seeing Luke smiling sleepily at her. She quietly traces his features with her fingertips, smoothing them over the lines of his eyebrows, the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips.

Luke kisses her fingers lightly, eyes full of intent. He looks like he belongs here, in her bed with his messy hair, the hint of his five o'clock shadow, as naked as she is. 

His voice is low when he asks, "Do you regret it?"

She shakes her head. Regret? No. Freaking out a little bit? Yes. 

Luke’s smiles could rival the sun itself as he kisses her. It started unhurriedly, before it deepens into something so much more. 

(They still haven't talked about a lot of things. And she can't help but feel be grateful for it, because there's too many things to unpack and right now, and being in Luke arm like this, 

She doesn't want to ruin it. Not yet) 

She pulls back, smiling ruefully at him. "You're trying to distract me."

Luke shrugs, eyes filled with mirth. "Maybe. But someone keeps interrupting me when I have better things to do with my mouth."

She raises her eyebrows, a clear challenge. "Then prove it."

Either way, it's safe to say that they don't talk about anything for a little while. 

  
**Then**

  
They never talked about it. She kisses Luke, and he kisses her back and they leave it at that. 

She's not sure she's ready for anything to change when everything already seems to be shifting underneath her feet. 

(Her mom may have a few months to live, and her dad is trying his best to scrap some money to keep themself afloat, for her school, for Carlos, for her mom’s treatment. 

She's not sure she's ready for things to change, and she knows Luke feel the same way too) 

It's one of those nights, where Luke comes to her bedroom window to see her. But it's different now. It's clear that he's been crying, his eyes still puffy and red when she pulls him into a hug immediately as Luke pulls her closer. 

"I don't know what they want from me," Luke muttered, his voice small. "It's like I was never enough."

"I'm here," She says with conviction, hands holding his torso a little tighter. "I'm here." 

When he pulls back, she decides to capture his lips in a slow kiss, taking her time to soothe him. 

It still caught her off guard, how easy it is to kiss Luke nowadays, and it still takes her breath away when he kisses her back, arms sheltering her body immediately like he's not willing to let her go. 

"You're with me," She whispers, caressing his cheeks gently. 

"And that's all that matters," He whispers back, leaning their foreheads together as he breathes her in. 

She let out a quiet sigh, feeling content being in Luke arms like this. "That's all that matters."

  
**Now**

  
When she wakes up again, it's nearly sundown. They spend the day without a care, ordering food and eating it in her kitchen before going back to bed, talking nonsense while they lay underneath the constellation of stars that have been painted in her ceiling. 

When Luke starts kissing her again and again, making her forget for a little while. She learns what Luke likes best, how to drive him mad with want. He learns her too, what makes her gasp and what makes her shiver. 

They never talk about the past. Even though she knows it's inevitable. But she likes this new Luke and Julie, who kiss and laugh and trying tries to learn each other like it's the very first time. 

She's trying to reach for the cereal in the top shelf when she can feel Luke’s fingers touching the sliver of skin that has been exposed when she tries to reach up. 

She squeals while Luke picks her up easily, putting her on the kitchen counter. He's entirely in her space now, filling her senses with just him. 

"Thief," He teases, tugging at his shirt that she's been wearing. It's too big on her, the collar slipping down her shoulder, the hem covering her knee entirely. 

"Looks better on me."

Luke nods, his eyes darken. "True"

She tilted her head, tugging at the shirt. "Or I could give it back?" 

He groans, leaning his forehead on her shoulder. It's not the reaction she expected, honestly.

"As much as I want to, I think we should talk."

She stills, knowing that they can't run forever. "Right."

Luke sighs, arms still bracing around her. Like he's afraid she's gonna run away. She's not sure she can anyway. "I regret everything that happened Jules. Not making everything clear, all those angry words that night..."

"I know," She interrupts. "I know."

"Does your dad knows know..."

She shakes her head. Luke’s shoulder sags in relief. 

"I..." Luke continues, squeezing her hand. "I want to tell you how sorry I am. Many times Julie. I have written many things I want to tell you, many drunk nights thinking about you. But I feel like it's better if I never been in your life in the first place."

"I want you in it though," She whispers, squeezing Luke hand's back. "I want you in my life, always."

"I feel like I don't deserve it."

"I never tell dad anything. I just say that I want to move after.."

"Your mom," Luke breathes shakily. "I'm sorry, Jules."

She shakes her head. "I never say sorry to you. You love her too."

Luke grows silence silent, but she knows that he hears her anyway. 

"We should pay her a visit," She continues, begging Luke to look at her. "I think she would like that. Wherever she may be."

Luke’s eyes still filled with guilt when he stares at her back. His smile a little sad, "I'd like that too."

  
**Then**

She doesn't mean to eavesdrop. But when she starts to hear her mother’s laughter while Luke sounds mortified, she can't help but want to heard hear the conversation a little bit. 

"I think it's called dating Luke."

She wishes she's she was closer so she can hear Luke respond better. Or actually be able to see Luke's facial expressions right now. 

Luke splutters, "I mean... I don't know. We haven't talked about it."

"Then talk about it," Her mother responds back easily. 

"It's not that easy!" Luke exclaimed. 

Her mother sighs, exasperated. "Talk. Or I could ask Julie."

"Don't you think it's a little weird that you're discussing your daughter’s love life with me?"

"Ohh so there is something huh?" Her mother responds, light. Teasing. 

She can picture Luke trying not to squirm in his seat. "I'm not gonna win this conversation right?"

Her mother laughs. "I don't think so."

She doesn't hear what Luke says next but she can hear her mother respond to it. 

"Molina women are one of a kind."

It's that time that she decided to let her presence known. Luke looks contemplative before he sees her, eyes lit up. 

Her mother smiles knowingly at her, asks her to sit next to Luke while they talk again, the conversation from before long forgotten. 

  
**Now**

While Luke likes to map the lines of her body with his lips, his fingers and his eyes, worshipping her with everything he got, She prefers to trace her fingers down his features before kissing it silly, leaving marks hoping that it will be enough to prove that this is real. 

She usually wrinkles her nose in disdain when her bed partner decides to leave marks on her skin, feeling like she's being claimed but she doesn't mind seeing a bruise starting to bloom at the nape of her neck. 

"We should get out of the bed," Luke mumbles against her lips, his hand seems to leave a trail of fire on her skin. 

"We should," She replied. "But i don't know. I like it here."

Luke hums, she can feel his smile as he kisses her again. They can’t seem to stop touching each other this time. Too many times wasted, too many words left unsaid. 

Her phone seems to vibrate very loudly in on her nightstand, the shrill tone won't stop. 

She sighs and decides to pull away, doesn't miss Luke pouting at her while she shake her head, amused. 

It's when she saw the name that she pauses. Pia. This can't be good. 

"Where are you?" Straight to the point, like always. 

"Hey Pia. Good night to you too."

"Julie." Even not being able to see Pia, she can hear the exasperation that rolls off her. 

"Right. Home why?"

"I've been trying to call you forever. Dante wants to call Luke too, but he can't seem to reach him either."

"Dante?" Luke looks up, looking at her, curious. 

"Sunset Curve Publicist."

"Oh. Okay."

"So," Pia continues. "We want you to finally confirm the relationship. We pick a place where you two can kiss and let paparazzi take some photos of you both."

She can feel her blood turn cold as she holds the phone a little tighter. 

"Julie?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah. Yeah I get it."

"Good. Good night, Julie.".

She doesn't respond to it, closing her phone fast. Luke seems to realize her inner turmoil, holding her hand. 

"Who was it?"

"My publicist."

"Oh."

This is really getting more confusing. "They want us to kiss. In public. Make the relationship official and what not."

"That doesn't seem so bad," Luke mused, lightly. 

"What if all of this between us right now is just the result of us pretending?" She retorts, fast. "This is not real."

Luke kisses her with more force than necessary, it's different than his last few kisses. It's desperate, and she can feel it in her bones that he's just trying to prove something. 

"This is real," Luke said determined. "It's not a fluke. It's real, Jules."

"We should alter the contract then."

Luke laughs like he can't believe that she's saying such things right now. But he nods, kissing her temple gently. "Yeah. We should."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good with ratings, so if you feel this fit more to mature, do let me know! 
> 
> I don't think it is, but who knows?


	11. chapter eleven: I really might be losing it, the idea that you've existed all along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be longer but I lost my motivation midway writing it so the part that should be here will be incorporated in the next chapter. 
> 
> Also we're nearing the end, and this is just filler and fluff before go angsty again as always. this has been beta read by Lea. 
> 
> title chapter comes from sweet dreams tn by the last shadow puppets

**Now**

It still take time getting used to, waking up in her bed with Luke’s arm curled around her. 

She cannot remember the last time she spent this much time in bed. Hours upon hours that turn to days.

(That is a lie. She remember the fight after, the day her mother died and how everything start spinning out of control that the only thing she want to do is to hide from the world) 

Her apartment is the only place they allow themself this, indulging upon each other and letting the world fade away, just for a little while. 

(How do you start a relationship when people already thought you were in one? 

They never address the rumor, but she's pretty sure everyone thought she was already dating Luke anyway) 

Nestles against the pillow, her eyes mapped Luke's feature. Sleep makes him look softer. Full lips slightly parted, hair mused with sleep. He also looks younger, more vulnerable. 

It reminded her of the old Luke, the Luke she knows. 

"Enjoying the view?"

Tugging at the sheet, she covers herself completely. Mortified. She can hear Luke chuckle quietly , hands reaching for the sheet. 

She pushes his forehead with her fingers when he tries to lean in, "Stop. I haven't brushed my teeth."

"I don't care."

She thinks she will never get used to this. Having Luke in her life like this, kissing her with all he’s got, hands roaming her body. 

"We should get out one of these days."

Luke gives her a charming grin, "I got all I wanted right here though."

She can feel the blood that rushes to her cheeks, "Flirt."

"But it's true."

"You probably say it to every person you dated, Patterson."

Luke shakes his head, eyes searching her face. His voice sounded sure when he uttered, "Just you."

She kisses him to avoid the sudden intensity of emotion that overwhelmed her. She's still so terrified, so fucking terrified about all of this. 

Because she's not sure she's ready if Luke walks away again when it's so easy for him to find a place in her life again. 

"Don't disappear," She whispers hoarsely. Doesn't mean to say it out loud, but the words already came out from her lips.  
Luke pauses, his breath feels warm on her skin. He pulled far away enough to meet her gaze, "I don't think I want anyone else that is not you, Jules."

The confession should terrify her, but all she can feel is relieved. The knot in her chest seems to loosen, as she links her pinkie with his. A small smile burst from his lips before he brought her knuckle to his lips, kissing it gently. 

She let her palm slip to settle against his jaw. Needing the words to spill from her lips, "Me too."

  
**Then**

She huffs, trying to push away the strands of hair from her face. And it always ends up in the same place. 

She can feel the intensity of Luke’s eyes on her, the way his fingers started tapping s random tune on the table. 

"What?" She snaps, annoyed. Luke needs to stop doing that. He makes her nervous. He always makes her nervous. 

(She keeps wondering if Luke is that dense or he just pretends that she doesn't have a crush on him. 

She hopes it's the first) 

"Stop playing with your hair." 

She frowned, "Why?"

Luke gives her a baffled look, like he can't believe she just asked him that. He hesitates, before continuing, "It's distracting."

Her lips parted for a second. Blood rushing to her cheeks. It's not what she expected, really. 

(If Luke called her distracting for trying to tame her unrully hair then he must realize how distracting he was all day. 

Laying on her bed like he owns it, finger flexing while he tries to continue writing. The way he bites his lips in concentration almost makes her go feral. 

The sleeveless shirt that he keeps wearing has always been distracting but today it feels like it's on a whole new level. 

She's pretty sure Luke’s goal today is to torture her) 

"I'm sorry me trying to fix my hair is distracting to you," She shoots back, sharper than she intended. 

"It's also annoying."

Honestly. Luke really woke up today and choose violence, she's pretty sure about it. 

Without prompting, he leans closer before tucking one of the strands back. She's pretty sure she just stoped breathing for a second. 

"Can I pull it back?"

Not trusting her voice, she nodded. Luke brightens before he scootches closer, sitting behind her while she's clutching to her pen for dear life. 

She can feel Luke’s warm breath behind her neck, his finger methodically separating her hair. It's relaxing, and it's hard not to just lean back and let the warmth that emits from Luke to enveloped her completely. 

"Don't ruin my hair," She threatens, wincing while Luke pulls at her hair too hard. "Patterson!"

"Shit, sorry."

"Stop pulling too hard! I'm gonna go bald at this rate, with you pulling my hair like that."

"You'll look beautiful either way."

They both frezee. The ensuing silence feels suffocating. 

She's trying not to read into it. Hoping that Luke doesn't hear how loud her heart is beating right now. 

Luke clears his throat, "I think you can pull off anything. That's Julie Molina power."

She snorts, "Flattery will get you everywhere."

Even with her back to her, she can picture Luke's smile perfectly. "I aim to please."

**Now**

They have a plan. She's not sure she loves the plan. Either way, it's her job and she has the responsibility to do as she is asked. 

Tugging nervously at the cream cardigan she wore, she tries not to notice the few papparazzi around the cafe, already taking several photos of both of them. Before, it was a reminder that this is all fake, that it's easy to think of Luke as another job. But this is real now. 

"Relax," Luke whispers. "You look constipated."

Her forehead crinkles in disapproval, while Luke started laughing loudly at her expression. 

She can feel a faint flash of the camera light not too far away, and it started to make her skin crawl. 

"Am I that bad of a company?"

Luke’s company is the only thing that makes sense from all of this mess. 

She shakes her head, "You know the answer already."

Luke shrugs, "Hearing it won't hurt."

It takes everything out of her not to just kiss Luke senseless right now. 

He raises his eyebrow, "Don't stop on my account."

A faint blush started to form on her cheeks, "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Thankfully only I'm I’m the only one close enough to hear it. It's okay though, I did want you all for myself."

She can feel her lips twitching in amusement. "Is that so?"

Luke hums, "Should I prove it to you then?"

Looking around, she shakes her head. The plan is to wait and kiss him in the airport later. But she doesn't resist the urge to reach out and clasp their hand together. 

Luke smiles softly at her. It's not the first time they hold hands in public, but this is the first time that she can feel the significance out of it. 

They're not pretending anymore. And she can feel that she can breathe a little easier. 

"Thank you."

Luke cock his head to the side, curious. "For what?"

"For coming back to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not the best but I hope you like it! Thank you for reading!


	12. chapter twelve: but falling's always been my downfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while folks. i can't believe we're nearing the end. title chapter comes from gravity by eden

**Now**

  
  


There's something about airport s that she finds comforting. Maybe it's the promise of going to somewhere new, a small reprieve as you board the plane. 

Her work has taken her to many beautiful places before, and it never cease s to amaze her that there's still so many things she still yet to experience. 

(One of these days, she'll buy a flight ticket impulsively and forget all the burden s she left behind in Los Angeles) 

She's trying not to fidget in her seat, Luke holding her hand tight as they come nearer to the airport. 

(It's a better than being  on a  red carpet like the original plan) 

(Julie remember s sitting in the conference room, discussing annulling the contract with Luke. 

Remember how Pia doesn't even look surprised when she hear s the news, "Julie, I think I know you well enough at this point."

"That's why you didn't fight it when I  brought  this up the first time!" Dante exclaim s , pointing at Luke. "Right when I thought you finally  were gonna listen to me for once."

Luke just grins, "Nope."

Dante sighs, exasperated. "Good to know."

"Still," Pia interjects. "I want you both to go public with this relationship. People have been wondering for months about the nature of your relationship. It will make headlines I'm sure. And any exposure, good or bad is still good."

"I think a movie premiere will be great," Dante pipes in, turning serious once again. "A bold enough statement, going together as  a  couple. You could sneak a kiss there. I bet the fans will go crazy."

"No," She cuts in. Julie can picture it-all the flashing lights, the shouting, the interview that she'll get after. Her head is spinning already. "Not a red carpet."

"That's a shame though," Luke says from beside her. 

Turning around, she look s at Luke, curious. "Why?"

He give s her a small smile. "I want the whole world to know that Julie Molina is mine."

She raised her eyebrows, "Yours?"

"Who do you belong to?"

"Myself?" 

Luke give s her a cheeky grin, "Then I belong to you then."

She burst out laughing. Julie can see Pia and Dante exchanging an amused look, while Luke just beaming at her. 

Reaching out, she takes Luke's hand. "No red carpet."

Turning to Pia and Dante, Luke says easily, "She's the boss. No red carpet it is.") 

"We shouldn't do this if you don't want to," Luke tell her, concerned. "I mean it, Jules."

"We've agreed to do this," She insist s . 

"Or we could just upload a photo of us kissing o n  Instagram and get it over with."

She tilted her head, " That's one way to do it."

Luke hums thoughtfully. His eyes twinkling with mischief. "Dante will be so mad."

"Pia too."

"Dante knows what he's getting into anyway."

She snort s , "He need s a pay raise."

"He totally does."

A pause. Without prompting, Luke has taken off her seatbelt and pulled her into his lap as she giggles. Hands clutching to his shoulder as she tries to balance herself while Luke’s arm already encircles her waist. 

"This is a bad idea," She muttered dryly. Already know what Luke has in mind. "We're in a car."

Luke shrugs, "Blurry photos are the best kind."

Raising her eyebrow she asked, "Says who?" 

Luke give s her a look, "Your boyfriend."

Trying to hold back her smile (which she's sure fail s miserably) she sighs, resigned just for show. "If my boyfriend says so."

(The photos come out terrible. But it feels genuine. It feels like them. It's their choice how everything will be played out this time around. 

It's them against the world now) 

  
  


**Then**

  
Julie thought she was gonna get used to this. It shouldn't hurt. That's the thing. 

But seeing Luke chatting up a girl in front of his locker hurts somehow. 

Luke is attractive. She knows that. There are many people that want to be with Luke Patterson, 

(Including her apparently. But she's gonna keep that  a secret for as long as she can) 

Luke notices her first, eyes lighting up when he  sees  her walking toward him. 

(It shouldn't make her giddy, seeing him excited to see her like this. And somehow, she thought the sky looks a little brighter, the air a little sweeter, 

And  a friend shouldn't want  a friend like this right?) 

"Hey," She greets Luke hesitantly, giving the girl an awkward smile. The girl look s confused before giving her the same awkward smile. 

Julie doesn't recognize the girl, but from the first glance it's hard not to notice her. Brown tresses falling down her back in waves, her eyes a bright cerulean blue. The girl is gorgeous. 

She wonder s if Luke notice s it too. 

"Jules. Where were you?"

"Where were you?"

Luke just shake s his head, a smile graze s his lips before realizing something. Pointing at the girl he said, "Oh right. This is Camille. She's new."

"Also lost," Camille pipes in. She notices how Camille gives Luke a pleading look, ignoring her completely. "Please, can you accompany me to the chem lab? I am so lost."

"We could," Luke answer s , tugging her closer. "Right Jules?"

She feels like she's thrown off loop completely. The casual touches never bothered her before, but doing it in front of the girl that clearly  is  interested in Luke? 

She's not sure what to think. 

"Oh," Camille blinks, surprised. Realizing something. "Yeah. I think I should go. Thank you, for both of your help!"

Paying attention to Luke beside her, Julie can sense Luke ’s puzzlement. It baffles her sometimes, the way Luke Patterson can be so observant but at the same time the most dense person in the whole wide world. 

"Come on," She cuts in, tugging at his hand. Trying to ignore the small petty part of her that is happy she can keep Luke a little longer. "I'm hungry."

  
  


**Now**

  
"It's not valentine ’s day."

Clutching her phone as she tries to catch her breath, she replied. "One second."

"Not that I'm complaining," Luke continues. "I thought you were mad at me or something."

"Or something," She mumbles, shutting the door. Leaning against the door, she let out a sigh. "You haven't called me."

A pause. "I'm trying to give you space."

She frowned, "For what?"

"I don't know. All the press seems overwhelming and I didn't want to push you!" Luke exclaimed. She can picture him flailing his arms as he tries to explain his point like he usually does. Her lips curve upward as she tries to hold back her smile. She misses him. "The cat's out of the bag now. No turning back again and I don't know. Being with you seems so surreal sometimes."

"You're just making it worse," She retort s dryly. 

"I know. I'm sorry," Luke answer s softly. There's a rustle and she sit s down on the floor. "Now I feel so stupid."

"You're overthinking this," She mumbled, folding her legs to her chest. 

"I don't want to screw things up again."

"You won't," She shoot s back. "It's just annoying."

He chuckled as she feels butterflies erupt at the bottom of her stomach. The butterflies have always been there, but it becomes clearer now as she feels a sharp pang in her chest. 

"Thank you for the chocolate. It's delicious," Luke adds. "I have to keep them away from Alex and Reg."

She snort s , shaking her head fondly. "Tell them I said hi and I miss them a lot."

"Not me?" Luke ask s . She can picture him pouting at her as he waits for her answer. 

Clutching her moon necklace, she utters softly. "Of course I do. But I have you with me, always."

  
  


**Then**

There's a small playground near her house. It's small and a little old, but the swings are well maintained so there she was, sitting  on  the swings trying to contain her racing thoughts. 

Pushing off lazily with her legs, looking up trying to trace the stars she waited for Luke to come. 

She sees Luke first, watches as he jump s off his bike as he bounds over  to her and the swings. Julie can see a frown already forming on his face. 

"You're late." She slows the swings underneath her, checking her phone. "I said be on time for once in your life, Luke."

Luke rolls his eyes, walking closer toward her. Hands reaching out to hold the swings chain as she's trapped in his space now. "You're upset."

"Because you're late," She shoots back, eyes looking down as she tries to avoid his eyes.

"I'm worried," Luke confessed. "I know you tell me not to. I know we promise each other not to talk about your mom, but I'm worried, Jules."

"She's gonna be fine," She insist s because it's the only thing that keep s her from spiraling now. 

"She will be," Luke replied easily. Like he believes it. "I just wish you  would talk to me because I'm feeling like I'm not helping you at all."

"What do you want me to say? That I'm angry that I can't do anything but watch as she suffer s ? That I'm sad and it ’s fucking with my head the fact that I might lose her any moment any day now?!"

Luke gives her a small smile, tinged with sadness. "That."

"I'm so fucking terrified," She admits, voice soft and broken. "I don't know what I should do."

Luke kneels before her, trying to catch her eyes that  have  been glued to the ground. He brushes a strand of her hair away from her face. 

"You could tell me what's on your mind, even though there are times where I won't uunderstand what he hell you're talking about." A small laugh escape s her, as Luke grins. "Because it's nice to hear you laugh. Like that."

"Sometimes you're funny."

Luke let out an indignant sound, "Wrong. I'm funny all the time."

  
  


**Now**

  
  


Pia rarely calls her. So it's a curious thing waking up that morning with five missed calls from her publicist. 

Ignoring all the missed calls and messages, she open s her contact and dials Pia number. It only rang once before she answered. 

"Julie." It was quiet for a few second s before she continues. "Have you slept with anyone after you signed the contract with Luke?"

The question caught her off guard, "What?"

She can hear Pia let out a quiet sigh. "Please don't let me repeat this again."

Dread starts to form at the bottom of her stomach, "Why are you asking me that?"

"You haven't seen the news haven't you?"

"What's on the news?" She shoot s back. Feeling her throat closing up. "Pia?"

"Don't open the news," Pia cuts in. "Just. For your sake, don't."

"Pia?"

"I'll go to your apartment after this. We'll talk about this later."

Before she can ask more questions, Pia has already hung up. Letting out a shaky breath, she opens her phone. 

Already, her comments section had been bombarded with hate comments, calling her a cheater, a whore. Death threats and vile comments flooding her messages as she tries to hold back her tears. 

And as everything started to spin around,  she feels like her heart might burst out from her chest, a sob started to jump out from her lips. 

It doesn't stop for a long time. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy it :)

**Author's Note:**

> kudos, feedback, comments are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> idk how this come to be, I'm bad at multitasking. but I wrote this on one sitting, I hope it wasn't that terrible


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